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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that sports competitions are a source of emotional stress for young people. Therefore, youth should be banned from participating in sports competitions. Do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
These days,
Use synonyms
sport
Check wording
sports
show examples
competitions
Use synonyms
 are a
worth-watching
Correct word choice
worthwhile
show examples
 kind of entertainment, and it has immense effect on
adolescenses
Correct your spelling
adolescents
.
However
Linking Words
, many discussed that
Use synonyms
sport
Check wording
sports
show examples
competitions
Use synonyms
 can have negative effects on teenagers’ emotional
health
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
sport
Check wording
sports
show examples
competitions
Use synonyms
 should not be
attend
Wrong verb form
attended
show examples
 by teenagers. I strongly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 point, and
this
Linking Words
 paragraph will explain my opinion.
Body paragraph 1
First of all,
adolescences’
Replace the word
adolescents’
 participation in
Use synonyms
sport
Check wording
sports
show examples
 activities will help them develop physical
health
Use synonyms
 and have a
balance
Replace the word
balanced
 lifestyle. Nowadays, young people are
being to
Verb problem
becoming too
show examples
 attached to electronic devices and social media, which
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to a harmful lifestyle of laziness. They tend to exercise less and spend
time
Use synonyms
indoor
Replace the word
indoors
, rather than “touching grass” and
enjoy
Wrong verb form
enjoying
show examples
 the sunlight.
Sport
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 activities and
competitions
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 can encourage them to spend more
time
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work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 out and
do
Wrong verb form
doing
show examples
 exercises,
impact
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 positively their physical well-being.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, most of
sport
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 games are played in teams and groups. By playing with friends
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the same
ages
Check wording
age
show examples
, empathy and sense of belonging will be made, which are positive contribution on teenagers’ emotional
health
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, through playing
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sport
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sports
show examples
competitions
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, young people can have good-quality periods of
time
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 to spend with close friends, which are rare opportunities for them to build relationships and learn how to
working
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
 in a team. These positive effects of attending sports activities and
competitions
Use synonyms
 are enormous, probably
outweight
Verb problem
outweigh
show examples
 the
drawback
Correct word choice
negative
show examples
 impacts of emotional
stresses
Check wording
stress
show examples
.
Conclusion
Overall
Linking Words
,
parcitipating
Correct your spelling
participating
 in
Use synonyms
sport games
Check wording
sports
show examples
 can benefit young people in both physical and emotional
health
Use synonyms
. It can help them
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 to work out and lessons toward emotional growth.
Therefore
Linking Words
, teenagers should not be banned from attending
Use synonyms
sport
Check wording
sports
show examples
competitions
Use synonyms
.

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task response
State your view clearly, as you do, and answer the main idea of stress more directly. Explain why stress in games does not mean young people should be stopped from taking part.
task response
Your main points about health, friends, and team work are useful. Add one clear example, such as a school team where a young player learns to deal with losing with help from a coach.
task response
Also show that stress can be made less harmful by fair rules, kind coaches, and support from parents. This will make your answer more full and balanced.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer plan: introduction, one body paragraph on health, one body paragraph on emotional and social good, then a short ending.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one main idea. Keep all later sentences linked to that idea. In the first body paragraph, stay with physical health; in the second, stay with emotional health and friends.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words more carefully: “First,” “Also,” “For example,” “However,” and “Therefore.” Do not use “On the other hand” when you are giving another reason that supports the same view.
coherence and cohesion
Make some sentences more direct. For example, write “Sports can help young people stay active” instead of a long sentence with many ideas.
task response
You give a clear opinion against a ban and keep this view from the start to the end.
task response
You give relevant reasons: sport can help young people be active, spend less time on phones, make friends, and learn team work.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are in a sensible order, moving from physical health to emotional and social good.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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