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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that sports competitions are a source of emotional stress for young people. Therefore, youth should be banned from participating in sports competitions. Do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
These days,
Use synonyms
sport
Check wording
sports
show examples
competitions
Use synonyms
 are a
worth-watching
Correct word choice
worthwhile
show examples
 kind of entertainment, and it has immense effect on
adolescenses
Correct your spelling
adolescents
.
However
Linking Words
, many discussed that
Use synonyms
sport
Check wording
sports
show examples
competitions
Use synonyms
 can have negative effects on teenagers’ emotional
health
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
sport
Check wording
sports
show examples
competitions
Use synonyms
 should not be
attend
Wrong verb form
attended
show examples
 by teenagers. I strongly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 point, and
this
Linking Words
 paragraph will explain my opinion.
Body paragraph 1
First of all,
adolescences’
Replace the word
adolescents’
 participation in
Use synonyms
sport
Check wording
sports
show examples
 activities will help them develop physical
health
Use synonyms
 and have a
balance
Replace the word
balanced
 lifestyle. Nowadays, young people are
being to
Verb problem
becoming too
show examples
 attached to electronic devices and social media, which
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to a harmful lifestyle of laziness. They tend to exercise less and spend
time
Use synonyms
indoor
Replace the word
indoors
, rather than “touching grass” and
enjoy
Wrong verb form
enjoying
show examples
 the sunlight.
Sport
Use synonyms
 activities and
competitions
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 can encourage them to spend more
time
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work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 out and
do
Wrong verb form
doing
show examples
 exercises,
impact
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 positively their physical well-being.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, most of
sport
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 games are played in teams and groups. By playing with friends
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the same
ages
Check wording
age
show examples
, empathy and sense of belonging will be made, which are positive contribution on teenagers’ emotional
health
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, through playing
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sport
Check wording
sports
show examples
competitions
Use synonyms
, young people can have good-quality periods of
time
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 to spend with close friends, which are rare opportunities for them to build relationships and learn how to
working
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
 in a team. These positive effects of attending sports activities and
competitions
Use synonyms
 are enormous, probably
outweight
Verb problem
outweigh
show examples
 the
drawback
Correct word choice
negative
show examples
 impacts of emotional
stresses
Check wording
stress
show examples
.
Conclusion
Overall
Linking Words
,
parcitipating
Correct your spelling
participating
 in
Use synonyms
sport games
Check wording
sports
show examples
 can benefit young people in both physical and emotional
health
Use synonyms
. It can help them
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 to work out and lessons toward emotional growth.
Therefore
Linking Words
, teenagers should not be banned from attending
Use synonyms
sport
Check wording
sports
show examples
competitions
Use synonyms
.

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task response
State your view clearly, as you do here, and keep each main idea linked to the question. You should also deal more directly with the other side: sport events can cause stress, but this is not a good reason for a full ban.
task response
Explain why stress can be controlled. For example, schools and parents can make sure that games are fair, that all young people get rest, and that winning is not the only goal.
task response
Use one clear real-life example. For instance, a school team may lose a game, but the players can learn to deal with loss and support each other.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an ending. Make the first line of each body part state the main point more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words to show the steps in your ideas: “First”, “Also”, “However”, “For this reason”, and “In the end”. Do not use too many link words in one sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same key words. Use “young people” or “teenagers” more often instead of changing to unclear forms such as “adolescences”.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because the word order is not natural. Write shorter sentences, with one main idea in each sentence.
task response
You give a clear view from the start and keep this view through the whole essay.
task response
Your main points are on-topic: sport can help young people stay active and can help them feel part of a team.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order. The ending repeats your main view and answers the question.
coherence and cohesion
The two body parts focus on different ideas, so the reader can follow your plan.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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