IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some cities and towns all over the world, the high volume of traffic is a problem. What are the causes of this problem? What actions can be taken to solve this problem?

5.0 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Nowadays, a substantial proportion of
traffic
Use synonyms
 congestion has grown over the years in urban areas,
while
Linking Words
 there are numerous recommendations to find efficient solutions.
This
Linking Words
 problem is mainly caused by owning a private car for each person, but it can be addressed
through
Change preposition
by
show examples
 adding new
traffic
Use synonyms
 rules by the authorities.
Body paragraph 1
There are several reasons for the
traffic
Use synonyms
 jam, and one of the main reasons is that a large number of people own private
cars
Use synonyms
 today.
This
Linking Words
lead
Wrong verb form
led
show examples
 to many vehicles on the main roads at the same time every day.
In addition
Linking Words
, during peak hours, the roads become more crowded since many drivers travel at the same time to the same location.
For example
Linking Words
, recent research has shown that most
of the
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
workers and students go to their schools and workplaces through the same streets in different
cars
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, they might waste a long time on the stuck
traffic
Use synonyms
 jam and arrive late at their
direction
Check wording
destination
show examples
.
Body paragraph 2
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, there are a lot of notions that can be taken to reduce the
traffic
Use synonyms
 congestion, and one effective solution is that governments should produce some regulations to less owning a privet car for each citizen.
Such
Linking Words
 as limiting the number of
cars
Use synonyms
sell
Wrong verb form
sold
show examples
 in the crowded cities, and
this
Linking Words
 may contribute to
encourage
Wrong verb form
encouraging
show examples
 people utilize the public transportation alternatively.
For instance
Linking Words
, if the buses and trains are really cheap, a substantial percentage of the citizens will tend to use them
instead
Linking Words
 of their private
cars
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, providing and enhancing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public transportation by the authorities will lead to a profound effect on the
traffic
Use synonyms
 flow.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the more private
cars
Use synonyms
 people buy, the greater the negative impact on
traffic
Use synonyms
 jams. Meanwhile, if governments of the states are able to control the
traffic
Use synonyms
 congestion successfully, they won't only decrease the number of
cars
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the routes, but
also
Linking Words
 facilitate the trips of the drivers and passengers.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
You answer both parts of the question: causes and actions. To make the answer stronger, give two clear causes and two clear actions. For example, add poor public transport as a cause, and add better bus and train service or car-sharing as an action.
task response
Some ideas need more detail. Explain how each action will work. For example, say that cheaper, faster buses can make people leave their cars at home.
task response
Your example about workers and students is linked to the main idea, but it is too general. Use one clear city or a more real-life case to show why many cars cause long waits.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part form: opening, causes, actions, and ending. Keep this form, but make the first sentence more direct: say that traffic is a major problem in many cities.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each body paragraph. The first body paragraph can cover private cars and rush hour. The second can cover rules and better public transport.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. For example: 'First', 'Also', 'As a result', 'To solve this', and 'For this reason'. Avoid unclear phrases such as 'there are a lot of notions'.
coherence and cohesion
Check word choice because some phrases make the meaning less clear. Write 'This leads to', 'reduce private car ownership', 'cars sold', 'private cars', and 'their destination'.
task response
You stay on the topic and give a cause and a solution in each main body paragraph.
task response
You explain that many private cars and rush-hour travel can make roads full.
coherence and cohesion
The ending returns to the main point and gives a clear final message about the role of government.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful links, such as 'For example', 'As a result', 'Nevertheless', and 'Therefore'.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • traffic congestion
  • urbanization
  • car ownership
  • public transportation
  • carpooling
  • cycling infrastructure
  • congestion pricing
  • population growth
  • commute
  • sustainable transport
  • traffic management
  • ride-sharing
What to do next:
Look at other essays: