IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many aspects of the way people dress today are influenced by global fashion trends. How has global fashion become such a strong influence on people's lives? Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

7.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
It is undeniable that global
fashion
Use synonyms
 exerts a significant influence on contemporary lifestyles, shaping how
individuals
Use synonyms
 present themselves to the world.
While
Linking Words
 some argue that adhering to these
trends
Use synonyms
 is essential, others contend that
such
Linking Words
 conformity can have detrimental effects on personal identity.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explore both perspectives before presenting my own viewpoint.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, proponents of following global
fashion
Use synonyms
trends
Use synonyms
 assert that
this
Linking Words
 practice encourages
individuals
Use synonyms
 to experiment with novel styles and embrace cultural diversity. By stepping outside their comfort zones, people can discover new forms of self-expression and appreciate the rich tapestry of global traditions.
For instance
Linking Words
, the recent resurgence of 1980s
fashion
Use synonyms
 across various cultures, popularised through social media platforms, has prompted
individuals
Use synonyms
 to showcase their heritage in innovative ways, thereby fostering a sense of global interconnectedness.
Thus
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 trend-driven approach can be viewed as a catalyst for cultural exchange and personal growth.
Body paragraph 2
Conversely
Linking Words
, critics argue that an over-reliance on
fashion
Use synonyms
trends
Use synonyms
 can undermine one's sense of identity and authenticity. When
individuals
Use synonyms
 blindly adopt every passing fad, they may inadvertently suppress their own preferences, leading to a homogenised and superficial mode of dress.
This
Linking Words
 is particularly evident in conservative societies, where external pressures to conform to traditional attire can conflict with global
trends
Use synonyms
, creating a dilemma for those who wish to express their individuality.
For example
Linking Words
, in some cultures, women are expected to adhere to modest dress codes, and deviations
due to
Linking Words
 global
fashion
Use synonyms
 may be met with social disapproval.
Consequently
Linking Words
, prioritising personal style over transient
trends
Use synonyms
 appears to be a more respectful and self-affirming approach.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 global
fashion
Use synonyms
 undeniably shapes our choices, I firmly believe that personal preference and cultural sensitivity should take precedence over following fleeting
trends
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 embracing diversity is commendable, it is crucial that
individuals
Use synonyms
 retain the autonomy to dress in a manner that reflects their unique identities and values.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I view
this
Linking Words
 development as a mixed blessing, one that offers both opportunities and challenges.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer the first question more directly. Explain why global fashion is strong, such as social media, famous people, online shops, and fast travel. Your essay mostly explains good and bad results instead.
task response
Make your final view fully clear. You say personal choice should come first, but you also call the change a mixed blessing. State clearly if you think it is mainly good or mainly bad.
task response
Use more real and clear examples. The example about 1980s clothes does not clearly show people sharing their own culture. A clear example could be young people buying the same shoes after seeing them on TikTok.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an end. Keep this plan, but make the first body part answer why fashion has power before you discuss its good points.
coherence and cohesion
The links between ideas are clear. However, some long sentences hold many ideas. Split them into two shorter sentences to make the meaning easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Make each main point lead to the question. For example, after saying social media spreads trends, explain that people see these styles every day and want to fit in.
task response
You give a clear view that people should be free to choose clothes that fit their own identity and culture.
task response
You discuss both possible gains and harms of global fashion, with ideas about self-expression, culture, and pressure to fit in.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow, with clear paragraph order and useful linking words such as “On the one hand”, “Conversely”, and “In conclusion”.
coherence and cohesion
Your opening and ending match well: both focus on global fashion, personal choice, and cultural respect.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • global
  • fashion
  • clothes
  • dress
  • wear
  • look
  • style
  • brand
  • label
  • shop
  • price
  • money
  • media
  • ads
  • post
  • like
  • world
  • culture
  • express
  • expression
  • culture
  • work
  • jobs
  • earth
  • environment
  • press
  • pressure
  • spend
  • buy
  • design
  • trend
  • brand
  • celeb
  • celebrity
  • internet
  • online
  • shop
  • social
  • media
  • fashion
  • trend
  • idea
  • choice
  • fit
  • color
  • color
  • cloth
  • fabric
  • hand
  • care
  • harm
  • good
  • bad
  • benefit
  • loss
  • balance
  • relation
  • impact
  • effect
What to do next:
Look at other essays: