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Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays a few people take their family with them abroad whenever they got on a business trip. Is it a positive or negative in your opinion? To what extent do you support this development?

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Introduction
Nowadays, the trend of bringing family members on business trips is declining drastically. Even though it is proven that humans
work
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 with lower stress levels
if
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when
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 their family is with them. I firmly believe it is a
postive
Correct your spelling
positive
 approach. I
Iam
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am
 going to discuss the factors and state my point of view in detail.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, it is beneficial for employee and their immediate relatives to travel together. As they both get the opportunity to support each other during difficult situations,
and
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apply
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they do not miss any important milestones in their relatives' lives. To illustrate these ideas, let's take a look at a recent report on
work
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 efficiency by Time's News.
This
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 report proves that folks who live with their family during
work
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 trips abroad are less likely to quit and
work
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 more precisely, compared to those who are travelling alone. Because they are not always stressed about their loved ones.
In addition
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 to that, research has been published by Canadian trade developers: 70
percent
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per cent
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 of successful businesses are those whose workers are living with their close ones on each trip.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, people can face some difficulties,
such
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 as not being able to focus on their given tasks.
Along with
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 that, it can be emotionally overwhelming for some employees to meet the requirements of their job and be present with their family simultaneously.
For example
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 Norway government of trade and business states that " With a larger number of working individuals who are travelling with their families, the excellence in the project has been decreased drastically".
Conclusion
To conclude
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this
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 statement, there are some proven challenges to
this
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 approach. But they can not overshadow the extreme advantages, and the only proven disadvantages can easily be managed with proper balance and commitment.
Hence
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, it is a positive in my opinion.

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task response
Answer both parts more directly. Say clearly how far you support this change, for example, that you support it in most cases but not when the work trip is very short or has a full work plan.
task response
Develop each main idea with a clear reason. Your first body paragraph explains why family travel can help workers, but the second paragraph should explain more fully why focus may fall and how this can be managed.
task response
Use examples that are clear and real. The reports from news groups and trade groups are not explained enough, so they do not strongly support your points. A simple work or family example would be better.
task response
Keep your ideas the same from start to end. The first sentence says this trend is going down, but the question is about people taking family on trips. This point is not needed and may confuse the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part plan: introduction, good points, bad points, and conclusion. Keep this plan, but make the link between the two body paragraphs smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Start each paragraph with one clear main idea. For example: “Taking family can help workers feel less stress.” Then give the reason and one example.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. “To begin with”, “On the other hand”, and “To conclude” help, but do not use too many. Make sure each sentence follows naturally from the one before it.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid unclear words such as “this approach”, “these ideas”, and “the only proven disadvantages” when the reader may not know exactly what you mean. Name the idea again when needed.
task response
You give a clear view that taking family on work trips is mainly a good thing.
task response
You discuss both good and bad sides, rather than giving only one side.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present, and the conclusion returns to your main view.
coherence and cohesion
Paragraphing is clear, and the reader can see where each new point begins.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • business trip
  • work-related travel
  • bring family members along
  • maintain family bonds
  • spend time apart
  • reduce stress and loneliness
  • cultural experience
  • explore a new destination
  • work-life balance
  • meet professional obligations
  • attend business meetings
  • company-funded travel
  • cover additional expenses
  • travel and accommodation costs
  • suitable for children
  • safety concerns
  • personal responsibility
  • improve employee well-being
  • interfere with work
  • a positive development
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