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Band 6

Going to University is thought by many to be the best way to secure a good job, on the other hand, some people think that getting work experience and getting a skill is more important. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
In recent years, the question of whether students should go for higher
studies
Use synonyms
 or focus on hands-on experiences has become widely debated. Some believe higher qualifications make once carrier more secure, other argues that real-world skills are vital.
This
Linking Words
 essay discusses both viewpoints and explains why I stand with one perspective.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, I do agree individual who have advanced education are more likely to achieve success in life for several reasons.
Studies
Use synonyms
 help humans become confident and motivated, and give them the opportunity to adapt and build management skills.
Moreover
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, Universities provides in depth
studies
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 and specilization on perticular skill which ultimately
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
 professionals get into rewarding careers. To give a better example, 70 per cent of college graduates are earning more than non-graduates.
Also
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, large firms give more importance to higer educations.
Such
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 as, hiring rates at Google are 79 per cent higher for applicants who have
greater
Correct article usage
a greater
show examples
 education.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, so argues that hands-on experience is really necessary and rewarding in the real world. When a person enters the workforce, it
does help
Verb problem
helps
show examples
 to build their communication, negotiation, and teamwork skills.
Furthermore
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, some jobs only need training and allow workers to earn a living rather than spending money on a degree.
For instance
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, some jobs
such
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 as plumbers and electricians do not requires to complete 4 year
studies
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.
Conclusion
To conclude
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, some employers do prefer expertise. But it is more important to focus on advanced
studies
Use synonyms
 because it gives more stability and a rewarding career. It
also
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 gives the freedom to explore various career options.
Hence
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, I believe one should always go for higher
studies
Use synonyms
 in order to secure their future.

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task response
You discuss both views and give a clear view at the end. To make your answer stronger, explain more clearly why work skills may help people get a good job soon, and why study may help in the long term.
task response
Your main ideas are clear, but some points need more detail. For example, say how a degree helps a person get more job choices, or how work can help a person learn skills that a class cannot teach.
task response
Be careful with facts and numbers. The examples about Google and 70 per cent may sound made up if you cannot show where they come from. Use a simple real-life example instead, such as a nurse who needs a degree or an electrician who needs training.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear plan: first view, second view, then your own view. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. “On the other hand” works well, but “so argues” is not clear. Write “Others argue that” to show the change to the second view.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body part follow one clear order: main idea, reason, example, then a short link back to the question. This will make your ideas flow better.
coherence and cohesion
Keep your words the same when you mean the same thing. You use “higher studies”, “advanced education”, and “greater education”. Choose one or two terms, such as “university education” and “work experience”.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you talk about university, work experience, and your own view.
task response
Your view is clear: you feel that higher study is the better choice for a safe and good career.
coherence and cohesion
The opening and final part are present and match your main view.
coherence and cohesion
The two body parts are easy to see, and each one deals with a different side of the topic.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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