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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people consider national news as more important while other people think that international news is of more importance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Introduction
Some individuals think that local
news
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 is more essential,
while
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 others consider international
news
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 more important for their
lives
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. National
news
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 is highly important for people's daily
lives
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, as it gives relevant information about
changes
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 in the
countries
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 where they live.
However
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, in my opinion, global
news
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 is more valuable
,
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apply
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 because of the high interconnection between
countries
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.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, national
news
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 reports
changes
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 in employment, healthcare, laws and especially education. Regarding education, goverment often
changes
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 universities' admission requirements or adds new rules in terms of entrance exams, which students must significantly know.
For example
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, in Kazakhstan, there were a few major
changes
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 in the exam program and curriculum that helped students to prepare for these assignments in advance. They got all
essential
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the essential
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news
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 for university admission immediately by keeping up with
latest
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the latest
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news
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 locally.
Furthermore
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, knowing what is happening in their own
countries
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 allows them to know the latest government's decisions and some social or political
problems
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.
This
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 helps citizens to compare different national programmes and to make the right decision in elections, and who to support.
Although
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,
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apply
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 people have a limited worldview, and they don't realise how foreign
countries
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' events and actions can directly affect their own society.
Body paragraph 2
As
countries
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 are strongly interconnected with each other, the impact of international events is powerful on all of humanity's daily
lives
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. A particular event in one country can influence prices, jobs and security in other
countries
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. Specifically, the war in Ukraine directly disrupted the order of things in terms of energy and food in Europe and some other parts of the world, because prices for these things have gotten significantly higher.
Moreover
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, it keeps us up
with
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to date with
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 global information or
problems
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such
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 as climate change, pandemics, wars and economic
changes
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. These do not apply to only one country and cannot be solved by it. These are global
problems
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 that must be solved by the interconnection of governments and all humanity.
Conclusion
In conclusion, in my essay, I provided my opinion where I emphasised the priority of international ones. National
news
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 has a big role
for
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in
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citizens
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citizens'
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 and their everyday
lives
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,
whereas
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 international
news
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 makes people aware of global
problems
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 and
news
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 that can affect the future of their country.

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task response
You discuss both sides and give a clear view. To make your view stronger, say more clearly why world news should come first, not only why it is useful.
task response
Your main ideas are good: home news helps with daily life, while world news shows events that can affect many places. Add one more clear detail about how world news changes a person’s own life.
task response
The Kazakhstan example is useful and on topic. Make it more exact: explain what changed and how this helped students.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part plan: introduction, one side, the other side, and conclusion. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer links between ideas. For example, change “Although, people have...” to “However, people who only follow home news may...” This makes the point fit better with the ideas around it.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are too long or have too many ideas. Split them into two shorter sentences, especially in the first main part. This will make your writing easier to read.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid unclear phrases such as “it keeps us up with global information” and “the order of things”. Use direct words: “International news tells people about global events” and “the war changed energy and food prices”.
coherence and cohesion
Make the conclusion shorter and more direct. Do not say “In my essay, I provided my opinion.” Instead, restate your view and the two main reasons.
task response
You answer every part of the question: you explain the value of home news, explain the value of world news, and state your own view.
task response
The example of the war in Ukraine is relevant and clearly supports your point that events in one place can affect other countries.
coherence and cohesion
Each body part has one main focus, and the order of your ideas is clear.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “On the one hand”, “Furthermore”, “Moreover”, and “In conclusion” to guide the reader.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • national
  • international
  • important
  • understand
  • local
  • community
  • affects
  • connected
  • global
  • politics
  • culture
  • economics
  • relevant
  • influence
  • empathy
  • broader
  • worldview
  • issues
  • events
  • citizens
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