In some cultures, children are often told they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advanatages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

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Introduction
Nowadays, in some cultures,
children
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are told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough.
This
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message has some advantages and disadvantages for
children
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.
Body paragraph 1
One of the main advantages is that
children
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can become more confident
about
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in
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themselves. When parents tell their
children
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that they can do anything, they may try harder in school or in their hobbies.
For example
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, if a child gets a bad mark in an exam, he may study more next time and try to get a better mark.
Also
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,
this
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message can make
children
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not give up easily. They may continue trying even when something is difficult.
Body paragraph 2
However
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, there are
also
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some disadvantages.
Firstly
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,
children
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may think that they can achieve everything only by working hard, but
this
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is not always true. Some people have different abilities
and
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, and
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not everyone can do the same things.
For example
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, a child may want to be a professional football player, but maybe he does not have enough skills for
this
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job.
Secondly
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,
children
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may feel disappointed if they try very hard
but
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, but
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they do not achieve their goal.
This
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can make them feel sad or lose their confidence.
Conclusion
In conclusion, telling
children
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that they can achieve anything has advantages
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such
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, such
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as making them confident and hardworking.
However
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, it can
also
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make them disappointed if they cannot reach their goals. I think parents should encourage their
children
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, but they should
also
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be realistic with them.

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task response
You answer both parts of the question. To make your ideas stronger, explain more about why this message can help a child, and why it can also cause stress or sadness.
task response
Your examples are clear, but they could be more real and full. For example, say how a child who works hard at football can still enjoy the game and find another goal if they do not become a top player.
task response
Your main point is good: parents should give hope but also be real. Add this idea earlier in the essay, not only at the end.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is easy to follow. It has a clear start, one part for good points, one part for bad points, and a clear end.
coherence and cohesion
Use a few more linking words to show how ideas are connected. For example: “As a result”, “In this way”, or “On the other hand”.
coherence and cohesion
In the second body part, link the two bad points more closely. You can say that when children believe hard work always brings success, they may feel very bad when success does not come.
task response
You give a balanced answer with clear good and bad points.
task response
The school and football examples fit your ideas well.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has one main idea, so the reader can understand your answer easily.
coherence and cohesion
The last paragraph clearly brings your main ideas together and gives your own view.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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