IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Social media is a good thing for modern society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.

5.0 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
In today's increasingly
westernizing
Change the spelling
westernising
show examples
 world, social
media
Use synonyms
 has become a widely used resource in almost all fields.
Although
Linking Words
 online platforms have become immensely popular for sharing individual talent, skills, communication, and entertainment, their usage
also
Linking Words
 has some drawbacks.
Body paragraph 1
Social platforms have become a significant part of our regular professional and personal
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. We use them for communication, connecting with
people
Use synonyms
, showcasing skills, educational resources, and entertainment. They have become an important part of everyone's life, and even massive institutions and companies run completely on social
media
Use synonyms
 dependency.
For instance
Linking Words
, there is a huge professional market for social
media
Use synonyms
 marketing jobs, and
lately
Add a comma
lately,
show examples
 many
people
Use synonyms
 with amazing talents have
also
Linking Words
 become popular because of social
media
Use synonyms
 like Instagram and Facebook.
Moreover
Linking Words
, a large number of
people
Use synonyms
 make a living out of these platforms. One other significant point to note is that news travels faster on social
media
Use synonyms
, which connects
people
Use synonyms
 and spreads
unfiltered
Punctuation problem
unfiltered,
show examples
 direct news from all around the world.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 believe
social
Correct word choice
that social
show examples
media
Use synonyms
to be
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 a negative impact on
people
Use synonyms
. A lot of individuals are addicted to social
media
Use synonyms
 and waste their precious time watching
nonproductive resources
Check wording
unproductive content
show examples
, especially children.
This
Linking Words
 causes distraction and addiction to unwanted and unsuitable
content
Use synonyms
 for
people
Use synonyms
, and in many
cases
Add a comma
cases,
show examples
 children happen to fall into inappropriate
content
Use synonyms
 for their age. To counter
this
Linking Words
, parents should take special care in the type of
content
Use synonyms
 their kids are being introduced to and, if possible, restrict them from consuming it.
Conclusion
In conclusion, social
media
Use synonyms
 is a crucial resource for business, education, and other fields. Even though it poses a risk of addiction and inappropriate
content
Use synonyms
, which can be mitigated, I believe it can be a very good and useful thing for our society.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
State your view more clearly in the first part. You seem to agree, but say how far you agree and keep this view clear in every part.
task response
Explain each main point more fully. For example, say how social media helps schools, work, or small business, and why this matters to people.
task response
Use more real and clear examples. The points about jobs, talent, and fast news are useful, but one short, exact example for each would make them stronger.
task response
Give more space to the bad side. You mention time loss, addiction, and unsafe content, but explain their effects on study, work, sleep, or family life.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end. Make the first main part easier to follow by grouping similar ideas, such as work, learning, and news.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear links between ideas. Words such as 'First', 'Also', 'For example', 'However', and 'As a result' can show how one idea leads to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Some long sentences contain many ideas. Split them into two shorter sentences so the reader can follow your point more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating 'social media' and 'platforms' too often. Use 'these sites', 'they', or 'this tool' when the meaning is clear.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and give a clear final view that social media is mostly useful.
task response
Your ideas about work, talent, news, addiction, and child safety are relevant to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The use of 'On the other hand' clearly marks the move from good points to bad points.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion returns to the main idea and sums up both the good side and the risks.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: