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Band 6.5

The charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008.

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The charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008.
The pie chart illustrates the
proprotion
Correct your spelling
proportion
 of adults who have spent
thier
Correct your spelling
their
time
Use synonyms
 working on different activities in a particular country over a 60-year span from 1958 to 2008, with units measured in percentages.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that working activity experienced a remarkable increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 on
day
Correct article usage
a day
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 other activities showed a slight growth throughout the period. Working
active
Replace the word
actively
 recorded
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 highest
overall
Linking Words
time
Use synonyms
 figure,
whereas
Linking Words
 other hobbies
Use synonyms
time
Check wording
apply
show examples
maintained the same level between years. Looking at the details, working
time
Use synonyms
 experienced an upward trend, starting at nearly 33% in 1958 of
hours
Correct word choice
working hours
show examples
day
Change preposition
per day
show examples
 and climbing sharply to reach approximately 42% in 2008.
In contrast
Linking Words
, going out
time
Use synonyms
, specifically with
friendes
Correct your spelling
friends
 or families,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
started at around 19% in 1958 and decreased to reach roughly 6% of
day
Correct article usage
the day
show examples
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
 the end of the period. Regarding other hobbies, it remained unchanged in percentages, which recorded about 6% in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
years.
Morover
Correct your spelling
Moreover
, relaxing at home and
travaling
Correct your spelling
travelling
 to work and
that
Fix the agreement mistake
those
show examples
 activities were a slight rise at the beginning and the end of the period, starting around 8% and 2% to 13% and 8%, respectively.
In addition
Linking Words
,
sleaping
Correct your spelling
sleeping
time
Use synonyms
 have plummented between 1958
to
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 2008, reaching about 32% to 25% throughout these years.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words time with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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