IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that too much money has been spent looking after and repairing old buildings, so we should knock down old buildings and build modern ones instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

7.5 / 9
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Introduction
Preserving old
buildings
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 is one of the best ways to protect a country's cultural heritage. It is often argued that,
instead
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 of spending large amounts of money maintaining and renovating old
buildings
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, governments should demolish them and construct modern ones. I partly agree with
this
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 view because some historic
buildings
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 have significant cultural value and should be preserved,
whereas
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 others may be unsuitable for modern use and could be replaced.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, there are several reasons why some old
buildings
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 should be demolished and replaced with modern structures. Maintaining and repairing old
buildings
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 can be extremely expensive, particularly when their infrastructure has deteriorated significantly.
In addition
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, many older
buildings
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 were not designed
according to
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 modern safety standards and may lack adequate fire protection, energy efficiency or earthquake resistance. Modern
buildings
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,
by contrast
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, can incorporate advanced technologies and materials that make them safer, more durable and more efficient.
For example
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, in densely populated cities, replacing severely damaged and unsafe
buildings
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 with modern residential complexes can provide people with safer and more comfortable homes
while
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 making better use of limited urban land.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, historically and culturally significant
buildings
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 should be preserved because they represent a country's heritage and provide valuable insights into its past. Many historic structures are protected as monuments because they reflect the architectural styles and traditions of previous generations.
In addition
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,
such
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buildings
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 can attract tourists and generate income for local communities.
For instance
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, Egypt has preserved the pyramids, which attract millions of visitors and provide evidence of the remarkable architectural achievements of ancient civilisation.
Therefore
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, demolishing historically important
buildings
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 simply to construct modern ones could result in the permanent loss of valuable cultural heritage.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I partly agree that old
buildings
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 should sometimes be demolished and replaced with modern structures, particularly when they are unsafe, inefficient or unsuitable for contemporary needs.
However
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,
buildings
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 with significant historical and cultural value should be carefully maintained and preserved for future generations.

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task response
Make your view even more clear in the first paragraph. Say that you agree only when an old building is not safe or has no real history.
task response
Your main ideas are well explained. To make them stronger, add one more clear example of an old building that can be changed into homes, schools, or offices.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part form: an opening, two main parts, and an ending. Keep this form in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
Your linking words, such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, and “Therefore”, help the reader follow your ideas. Do not use too many more, as the flow is already natural.
coherence and cohesion
The last paragraph matches the main parts well. You could make it a little sharper by repeating the two tests: safety and real cultural value.
task response
You answer the full question and give a clear partly agree view from start to end.
task response
The ideas are relevant and balanced: unsafe old buildings may need to go, while important historic places should stay.
task response
The Egypt example is clear and supports your point about history, travel, and local money.
coherence and cohesion
Each main paragraph has one clear main idea, followed by reasons and an example.
coherence and cohesion
Your opening tells the reader what the essay will say, and your ending gives a clear final view.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Preservation
  • Restoration
  • Demolition
  • Architectural heritage
  • Cultural significance
  • Tourist attraction
  • Urban landscape
  • Sustainability
  • Conservation
  • Economic benefits
  • Historical landmarks
  • Urban renewal
  • Infrastructure
  • Maintenance costs
  • Modern amenities
  • Building regulations
  • Community identity
  • Heritage conservation
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