With pressure on today's young people to succeed academically, some people believe the non- academic subjects should be removed from the syllabus so that children can concentrate wholly on academic subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
should be removed and let students focus only on academic
subjects
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. I
am
Verb problem
apply
show examples
partially agree with
this
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statement.
Body paragraph 1
To proceed, if
ony
Correct your spelling
only
theoretical
subjects
Use synonyms
are being
tought
Correct your spelling
taught
in school, students will be able to spend more time only on those
subjects
Use synonyms
and try to score more to be successful.
This
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will help youth to find a scope of interest in pertical suject that will lead them to
their
Correct determiner usage
a
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successful
career
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.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, non- academic
subjects
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are playing
crucial
Correct article usage
a crucial
show examples
role in
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
of
child
Correct article usage
a child
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
,
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
need to be social with
other
Replace the word
others
and activities lead youth to talk more with other which
further
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help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
them gain more knowledge regarding
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, some kids have
interest
Correct article usage
an interest
show examples
in sports and like to
proceed
Verb problem
pursue
show examples
their
career
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in sports. Student who are looking forward to be a sportperson an join sport team and
develop
Wrong verb form
developing
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their skills and
procced
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progressing
their
career
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in sports.
Conclusion
In conclusion, Academic
subjects
Use synonyms
are important for
growth
Correct article usage
the growth
show examples
of
brain
Correct article usage
the brain
show examples
and knowledge
simlutaneously
Correct your spelling
simultaneously
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
Recreational
subjects
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are
also
Linking Words
important for their physical
as well as
Linking Words
career
Use synonyms
growth.
rajatrajatsharmasharma2
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task response
State your view more clearly in the first paragraph. Say exactly why you partly agree, and keep this view clear in every part of the essay.
task response
Develop each main point further. Explain how more time for school work may help students, but also explain why art, sport, and group work are needed.
task response
Use more clear examples. For example, explain how sport can improve health, team work, and a future job for a child who is good at it.
coherence and cohesion
Use one clear idea in each body paragraph. The first body paragraph should focus on the good side of removing non-school subjects. The second should focus on why they should stay.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words such as “First”, “However”, “For example”, “Also”, and “Therefore”. This will make the flow easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Make your last paragraph match your view. It should say that both kinds of subjects are needed, so non-school subjects should not be fully removed.
coherence and cohesion
Check word choice and spelling because some errors make the meaning less clear. For example: “a lot”, “scholars”, “taught”, “practical subjects”, “sports person”, and “pursue”.
task response
You answer both sides of the topic and give a clear general view that school subjects and non-school subjects both matter.
task response
Your sport example is relevant because it shows that some children may have a future in sport.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main body paragraphs, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use helpful links such as “On the other hand”, “For instance”, and “Moreover” to show changes and additions in your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
Paragraph 1 - Introduction
Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion
Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion
Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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