IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1

In some countries, there is not enough respect for elderly people. What are the causes of this? Suggest some solutions.

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Introduction
These days, we can see that some countries'
people
Use synonyms
 do not have enough respect for elderly
people
Use synonyms
.In
this
Linking Words
 essay,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 will explore the causes behind
this
Linking Words
 trend and propose
proctical
Correct your spelling
practical
 measures to address it.
Body paragraph 1
One key cause
od
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of
this
Linking Words
 issue concerns economic pressure. In
that
Fix the agreement mistake
those
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 countries, most
civit
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citizens
 need to pour all their energy into
earn
Wrong verb form
earning
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 money, elderly
people
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 means do not have labor worth
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 it is meaningless.
Thus
Linking Words
, they have no time to care about
oldder
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older
. In
this
Linking Words
 sense,
this
Linking Words
 underlying factor tends to persist over time.
For example
Linking Words
, the lab
prefer
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prefers
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 young
people
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 rather than old
people
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, maybe they do not
recive
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receive
 enough education.
Conclusion
To combat
this
Linking Words
 issue,
government
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the government
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 should take more responsibility.By giving
civizen
Correct your spelling
citizens
 more education
chanlleges
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challenges
, which enables
citizen
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citizens
show examples

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task response
Your essay starts to answer both parts: causes and ways to help. However, the second part stops in the middle of a sentence. Finish the essay with clear steps, such as school lessons about respect, help for old people at work, and support for families.
task response
Explain each cause more fully. For example, say why money problems can make people spend less time with older family members. Also, make clear that an older person still has value even when they do not work.
task response
Use clear and real examples. Instead of saying that jobs like young people more, explain how this can make old people feel left out or seen as less important.
coherence and cohesion
Your first paragraph has a clear plan, and the next paragraph gives causes before the last paragraph gives help. This order is good. Make each body paragraph complete before you move to the next idea.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. In the cause paragraph, write first about money and work, then write a new paragraph about lack of school learning. This will make the essay easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words carefully: 'First', 'Also', 'For example', 'As a result', and 'In conclusion'. Add a short final paragraph that brings your main ideas together.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid very long or unclear sentences. For example, change 'elderly people means do not have labor worth' to 'Some people think older people are less useful because they do not work.'
task response
You identify two possible causes: money and work pressure, and a lack of learning about respect.
task response
You suggest that the government and schools can help, which is a useful start for the solutions part.
coherence and cohesion
The opening tells the reader that you will discuss causes and solutions, so the purpose of the essay is clear.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful link words, such as 'For example' and 'On the other hand'.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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