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Band 5

the pie charts below show the most common advantages and disadvantages of fairmont island, according to a servey of visitors.

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the pie charts below show the most common advantages and disadvantages of fairmont island, according to a servey of visitors.
The pie charts below show the the msot common advantages and
disadvanadvantages
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
 of
fairmont island
Capitalize the proper name
Fairmont Island
show examples
. First of all,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most
visitors
Use synonyms
 think
people
Correct word choice
that people
show examples
Linking Words
that is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 the most common
advantage
Punctuation problem
advantage,
show examples
 that have 40% .
This
Linking Words
 shows
so
Correct word choice
that so
show examples
 many
visitors
Use synonyms
 care
other
Change preposition
about other
show examples
 people
are kindly
Verb problem
apply
show examples
.
Then
Linking Words
, the second advantage is the scenery
that
Correct pronoun usage
, which
show examples
 has 37%.The culture
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
has 12%. The least is good accommodation that has only 11%,
this
Linking Words
 show many
visitors
Use synonyms
are
Verb problem
do
show examples
 not really care about
living
Correct article usage
the living
show examples
enviroment
Correct your spelling
environment
.
Second,
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most
visitors
Use synonyms
 think the
most
Correct word choice
biggest
show examples
 disadvantage is
high
Correct article usage
the high
show examples
 cost of living
that
Correct pronoun usage
, which
show examples
 has 45%.Most
visitors
Use synonyms
 care about how much to cost.20%
visitors
Use synonyms
 think the weather is
disadvantage
Correct article usage
a disadvantage
show examples
.
Then
Linking Words
,the second advantage is entertainment
that
Correct pronoun usage
, which
show examples
 has 30%.The least is food quality
that
Correct pronoun usage
, which
show examples
 has 5% In the end ,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
 most
visitors
Use synonyms
 like
fairmont island's
Capitalize the proper name
Fairmont Island's
show examples
 people and do not like
high
Correct article usage
the high
show examples
 cost of living.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words visitors with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "show" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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