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Writing Samples
Band 6

In some countries, there is not enough respect for elderly people. What are the causes of this? Suggest some solutions.

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Introduction
Today, in some countries, many
people
Use synonyms
 above the age of sixty are not being treated with enough
respect
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will give reasons why
this
Linking Words
 is happening and possible solutions to prevent
this
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 issue from worsening.
Body paragraph 1
One primary reason for
this
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 phenomenon is that many countries are not properly educating the younger generation about manners and
respect
Use synonyms
. Children and adults may have never been taught that treating an older person a specific way is unethical. To illustrate, I have never been taught to address the elderlyin aspecific way until very recently. Simply speaking, many of the disrespectful actions may not always be intentional, but rather it is just not knowing how older
people
Use synonyms
 should be treated.
Body paragraph 2
In addition
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, elderly
people
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 not receiving enough
respect
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 could
also
Linking Words
 be because they are viewed as vulnerable and less intimidating. It is often believed that older
people
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 have less authority, and
therefore
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, giving them the
respect
Use synonyms
 they deserve would not be necessary.
Body paragraph 3
One possible solution is to provide better education for children about
respect
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 and etiquette towards older
people
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.
This
Linking Words
 change will,
as a result
Linking Words
, help the youth understand what they should be doing to treat the elderly respectfully and correctly.
Consequently
Linking Words
, as more
people
Use synonyms
 are aware of what should be done,
this
Linking Words
 problem will be less common.
As well as
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, governments could create a law that penalises
people
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 who disrespect seniors.
This
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 is one solution that can be implemented in countries because it will make their views towards the elderly less negative.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 many seniors are not given enough
respect
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 they deserve because the younger generation may see them as weak or
are
Verb problem
may
show examples
 not always
properly
Verb problem
be properly
show examples
 educated.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 issue can be solved. The education system can teach
people
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 about
respect
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 towards older
people
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, and governments can create strict laws on
this
Linking Words
 problem. Given the situation, it is important for us to work together and help the elderly get the
respect
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 they deserve.

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task response
You answer both parts of the task: you give causes and ways to help. To make your ideas stronger, explain each cause in more detail. For example, show how busy family life, phone use, or less contact between young and old people can lead to less respect.
task response
Your first cause is clear, but the second cause needs a more real and clear example. Explain what “less authority” means in daily life, such as young people not listening to older family members or workers ignoring older customers.
task response
The law idea is not fully clear. “Disrespect” can be hard to define in a law. A better plan could include rules against abuse, public talks, school lessons, and events where young and old people meet.
task response
Use your own example with more care. “I have never been taught...” is personal and a little weak. A general example about schools, homes, or public places would sound more formal and more useful.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: opening, causes, solutions, and ending. Keep this good shape, but give one main cause and one main solution in each body part, with a clear example after each one.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are used too often, such as “as a result” and “consequently.” Use simple links in a more natural way: “For example,” “Because of this,” “Also,” and “As a result.”
coherence and cohesion
Make the link between ideas clearer. In the second cause paragraph, say why seeing older people as weak makes some people act badly. This will help the reader follow your point.
coherence and cohesion
Check small word-spacing errors because they can slow the reader down: “elderlyin” should be “elderly in,” and “aspecific” should be “a specific.”
task response
You stay on the topic and give both causes and solutions. Your school education idea is clear and fits the question well.
task response
The ending brings your main ideas together and clearly states that the problem can be improved.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because each paragraph has a clear job.
coherence and cohesion
You use helpful linking words to show cause and result, and the opening tells the reader what the essay will discuss.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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