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Band 5

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

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Introduction
In the present age, the increasing number of elderly
people
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 has sparked much debate. Some
people
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 assert that an ageing
population
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 may cause problems for
governments
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,
whereas
Linking Words
 others argue that it can have benefits for society. Personally, I am in favour of the first view.
Body paragraph 1
There are several reasons
is
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apply
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that support the idea
of disadvantages outweigh
Correct word choice
that
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 the
advantages
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disadvantages
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 of an ageing
population
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.
Verb problem
outweigh the advantages.
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 The most important one
that
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is that
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,
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 older
people
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 need healthcare
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 may place a financial burden on
governments
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.
That is
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 to say, an increasing ageing
population
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 means that more healthcare services and financial investment in older
people
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.
For example
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, the
governments
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 have to provide health
centers
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centres
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, medical staff, and special care for older
people
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, which means that
governments
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 have to invest more money in
this
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 field
instead
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 of focusing on improve country and developing.
In addition
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, a larger elderly
population
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 may
also
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 mean a smaller working-age
population
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. As more
people
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 retire, the government may have to pay more pensions, which can place additional pressure on the economy.
Body paragraph 2
I admit that older
people
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 have a wealth of life experience, which may help new generations to take advice from experts
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apply
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people
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.
Moreover
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, some elderly
people
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 have
strong
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a strong
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 body, love
to
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apply
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cooperation, and enough time because they do not have responsibilities. So, they may help as
a
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apply
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volunteers in society.
For instance
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, in remote areas or in village need
for
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apply
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people
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 who have retired,
such
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 as
,
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apply
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 doctors, engineers, and even
driver
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drivers
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 to help rural
people
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.
However
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, I tend to believe that
this
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 kind of
people
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 who want to help and have energy to make a difference, are fewer than those who need
be
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to be
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 cared for, so I think the disadvantages of an ageing
population
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 outweigh the advantages.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 an ageing
population
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 can provide valuable experience and allow elderly
people
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 to contribute to society, I believe that its disadvantages, particularly the pressure on healthcare and pension systems, outweigh these benefits.

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task response
You answer the question clearly and give your view from the start. To make your answer stronger, explain more fully why the cost of health care and pensions is greater than the help older people can give.
task response
Your main ideas are clear: health care costs, pension costs, life experience, and volunteer work. Add one more clear reason on each side, or develop the ideas you already have with more detail.
task response
The example about retired doctors and engineers helping in villages is useful. Make it more real and clear by showing how this help changes life for people in those places.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: introduction, problems, benefits, and conclusion. Keep this plan, but make the start of the first body paragraph smoother. For example: “There are several reasons why the disadvantages outweigh the advantages.”
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. You use “In addition”, “Moreover”, “For instance”, and “However” well. Avoid very long sentences, because they can make the meaning hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences need clearer grammar so that the link between ideas is easy to understand. For example, write “One important reason is that older people need more health care” and “This means more spending on health services.”
coherence and cohesion
In the second body paragraph, keep the contrast clear. First explain the benefit of older people helping others, then clearly state why this benefit is smaller than the cost of care and pensions.
task response
You give a clear opinion and keep the same view throughout the essay.
task response
You discuss both the good and bad sides of an ageing population, as the question asks.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present and clearly match your main view.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has a main focus, which helps the reader follow your ideas.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
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