In many countries paying for things using mobile phones (cell phone) apps is becoming increasingly common. Does this development have more advantages or disadvantages ?

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Introduction
In many countries,
people
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are paying for things using mobile
phone
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apps.
This
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trend has both advantages and
disadvantages
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. In
this
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essay, I will discuss both of them.
Body paragraph 1
One of the most important advantages is that you can complete any payment in a few seconds. Because the cards are saved in the wallet, paying using a mobile
phone
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is convenient.
For example
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, when you go shopping, you may forget your wallet. So, the only payment method you can use is your mobile
phone
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.
Therefore
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, paying by mobile
phone
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will make your daily shopping easier.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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,
this
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trend
also
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has some
disadvantages
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. One of the most important
disadvantages
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is that
people
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's phones may get hacked because card information may be visible in many applications.
For example
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, in some shops, there are many cameras above the cashier, so they may take a picture of a customer's card.
In addition
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, some
people
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steal other
people
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's phones to get their card information and take money from their accounts.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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paying for things using mobile
phone
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apps has many advantages,
such
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as not taking a lot of time to complete the payment, it
also
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has some
disadvantages
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.
For example
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,
people
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may get scammed by some stores, and money may be taken from their accounts if their phones are hacked.

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Task response
You answer both sides of the question, but you do not clearly say if there are more good points or bad points. State your own view in the first part and again at the end. For example, say that the good points are greater than the bad points because payments are fast and easy.
Task response
Make your main ideas more full. Explain why fast payment matters, such as saving time in busy shops or helping people who do not carry cash. For the bad side, explain how phone locks, bank alerts, and two-step checks can lower the risk.
Task response
Your example about shop cameras taking a photo of a card is not a strong fit for phone-app payment, because the card may not be shown. Use an example about a lost phone, a weak phone lock, or a fake payment app instead.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: first the good side, then the bad side, and then the end. Keep this plan, but make each main paragraph start with one clear point and then add an explanation and an example.
Coherence and cohesion
Use links more carefully. You repeat “One of the most important advantages/disadvantages” and “For example” several times. Try other simple links, such as “Also”, “As a result”, “However”, and “This means that”.
Coherence and cohesion
The last paragraph repeats earlier ideas but does not give a firm final view. End with one direct sentence that answers the question, such as: “Overall, mobile payments have more good points than bad points when people keep their phones safe.”
Task response
You discuss both the good and bad sides of mobile-phone payments, and your ideas stay on the topic.
Task response
You give clear real-life points about quick shopping, forgotten wallets, hacked phones, and stolen phones.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has an opening, two main paragraphs, and an ending.
Coherence and cohesion
Words such as “On the other hand”, “For example”, and “In addition” help show the link between your ideas.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Mobile payments
  • Biometric authentication
  • Transaction costs
  • Budgeting
  • Technological barriers
  • Privacy concerns
  • Data breaches
  • Identity theft
  • Over-reliance
  • Market fragmentation
  • Competing payment apps
  • Financial inclusion
  • Security features
  • User convenience
  • Cashless transactions
  • Digital wallet
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