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Band 9

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities.other however say that this would have little effect on public health and other majores are required.discuss both this view and give yourown opinion.

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Introduction
It is often argued that providing more places for physical activity is the most effective way to improve public well-being, as
this
Linking Words
 would encourage more
individuals
Use synonyms
 to exercise. Others, including myself, disagree, as maintaining a healthy diet and raising awareness of healthy living can have a greater impact than simply increasing access to
such
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 places.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, increasing the number of sports facilities can motivate more
individuals
Use synonyms
 to engage in physical activity. Since many people nowadays lead busy lives and are unwilling to spend a long time commuting to exercise, providing more facilities near their homes, workplaces and schools would allow them to stay active without taking up much of their time.
Moreover
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,
this
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 could lower subscription prices, making exercise more accessible and encouraging wider participation, which could ultimately improve
overall
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 health.
For example
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, the Saudi Arabian government has built a sports boulevard where citizens can practise various activities for free to encourage a more active society.
Nonetheless
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, I believe that other measures would have a greater impact.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, raising health awareness can encourage
individuals
Use synonyms
 to be more active even at home and help them understand the importance of a healthy diet, leading them to make better food choices. I believe that healthy eating habits have a significant impact, since many medical conditions are caused by overeating and consuming highly processed meals and fast food, which can be harmful to the body.
Therefore
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, governments should implement strategic measures regarding food.
For instance
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, the Saudi Arabian authorities introduced a law requiring restaurants and cafés to display calorie counts on their menus, helping consumers make healthier choices and avoid overeating.
Conclusion
To conclude
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,
although
Linking Words
 increasing the number of recreational facilities can encourage more
individuals
Use synonyms
 to stay active, I believe that following a healthy diet and raising health awareness are more effective ways to promote a healthier society.

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task response
You answer all parts of the question: you explain the value of more sports facilities, present other ways to improve health, and clearly give your own view.
task response
Your examples are relevant and specific. The sports boulevard and calorie-count rule help show how your ideas can work in real life.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction clearly shows both sides and your own position, and the conclusion returns to that position in a direct way.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are easy to follow, with clear topic sentences and good support for each main point.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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