IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people think that drug addicts should be treated like criminals and sent to jail, while others believe that they should be treated like patients and sent hospital. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

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Introduction
Some
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
show examples
 of
society
Use synonyms
 believe that
drug
Use synonyms
 addicts should be sent to jail as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
criminals,
while
Linking Words
 other
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
show examples
 of
society
Use synonyms
 believe that they
needed
Wrong verb form
need
show examples
 to be treated as patients in
hospital
Correct article usage
a hospital
show examples
. In forthcoming
paragrapghs
Correct your spelling
paragraphs
, I will give my
openion
Correct your spelling
opinion
 on both views.
Body paragraph 1
People
Use synonyms
 who do
drugs
Use synonyms
 are one of the dangerous
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
show examples
 of
society
Use synonyms
. They can be
danger
Replace the word
dangerous
 to anyone
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
at
anytime
Correct your spelling
any time
. To explain,
People
Use synonyms
 who need
drugs
Use synonyms
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are always looking forward to
get
Wrong verb form
getting
show examples
drugs
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 for
that
Punctuation problem
that,
show examples
 they need money.
People
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, under the influence of
Use synonyms
drug
Check wording
drugs
show examples
 and act a criminal to steal money for their
drugs
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,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can rob someone or even
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
kill someone. Keeping them in jail can reduce
crime
Correct article usage
the crime
show examples
 rate in
society
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 normal
people
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 can go outside without any fear.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, hospital admission can
also
Linking Words
 be an effective measure to keep
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 safe
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 that can
also
Linking Words
 lead a
drug
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 addict to convert into
normal
Correct article usage
a normal
show examples
 person.
Hospital
Correct article usage
A hospital
show examples
 can give treatment for the addiction
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 within some
months
Punctuation problem
months,
show examples
people
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 stop consuming
drugs
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 and make their live healty and do something for the betterment of
scoiety
Correct your spelling
society
.
Conclusion
To conclude
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 jail is one of the
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
 to keep
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 safe from
drug
Use synonyms
addict
Check wording
addicts
show examples
, hospital treatment is
much
Correct article usage
a much
show examples
 better method to save
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 life of a person
as well as
Linking Words
 maintaining healthy
society
Use synonyms
.

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task response
You discuss both views and give your own view, so you answer all parts of the task. Make your own view clearer in the start and explain why hospital care is better.
task response
Develop each main idea more. For jail, explain that some drug users may steal or hurt others. For hospital, explain how doctors can help people stop using drugs and return to work or family life.
task response
Use one clear example for each side. For example, a person who steals to buy drugs may need jail, while a person who wants help may need care in hospital.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: jail first, hospital next, and your view at the end. Keep this order, but make each paragraph start with one strong main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because they are too long or joined in an unclear way. Write shorter sentences. For example: “Drug users may need money to buy drugs. Some may steal it. This can make people feel unsafe.”
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words more carefully: “First”, “However”, “For example”, “As a result”, and “In conclusion”. Do not use “although” with a comma after it in the last paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating “people” and “drugs” many times in one paragraph. You can use “drug users”, “they”, or “these people” when the meaning is clear.
task response
You give a clear opinion that hospital care is a better way to protect both the person and society.
task response
The idea that drug users may commit crime to get money is relevant and helps explain the jail view.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction, two main paragraphs, and conclusion are easy to see.
coherence and cohesion
The link between hospital care, stopping drug use, and a safer society is clear.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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