IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge orexperience.

0.0 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Individuals today care less about their health and dont pay attention to what goes in their body so much junk food, soft drinks, smoking it destroys the body slowly they might not realize it but its harming it tastes good with time they get sick and womder where it all went wrong people should eat healthy and pay attention about whats in their food and how it may harm and damage the human body. Eating
to
Use the right word
too
show examples
 much candy harms more than anything
you
Punctuation problem
; you
show examples
grt
Correct your spelling
get
 diabetes

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
State your answer clearly in the first line: say if you agree, disagree, or partly agree. Then give two clear reasons for your view.
task response
Talk about the future, not only about people today. Explain why health may get worse in the years to come, or why it may not.
task response
Develop each main idea. For example, say that too much sugar can lead to weight gain and diabetes, then explain how this can lower people’s health.
task response
Add a short ending that repeats your main view and sums up your reasons.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear paragraphs: one for your main answer, one for junk food and drinks, one for smoking or another reason, and one short ending.
coherence and cohesion
Many ideas are joined in very long sentences. Use full stops more often so each sentence has one main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words to show the order of your ideas, such as “First”, “Also”, “For example”, “As a result”, and “In short”.
coherence and cohesion
Check word form and spelling, such as “too much”, “get”, “wonder”, and “doesn’t”. This will make your ideas easier to read.
task response
You give a clear health reason: junk food, soft drinks, and smoking can harm the body.
task response
The example about candy and diabetes is related to the question and helps show your point.
coherence and cohesion
Your main message is easy to see: people should take more care with food and health.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: