IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Some people think that children should not watch telvision as it has negative effects while some people believe that they should watch television as it helps them in their future. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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Introduction
Some
parents
Use synonyms
 argued that
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
excessive
wache
Correct your spelling
watching
 of
Use synonyms
tv
Capitalize the proper name
TV
show examples
 can influence
kids
Use synonyms
 negatively,
while
Linking Words
 others think they have to watch
Use synonyms
tv
Capitalize the proper name
TV
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. In my opinion,
childern
Correct your spelling
children
 should watch
Use synonyms
tv
Capitalize the proper name
TV
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, but not to
extent
Correct article usage
the extent
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.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
Linking Words
,
,
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apply
show examples
 by letting children watch telvision
parents
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 can have time to do other tasks. To
clearify
Correct your spelling
clarify
,
parents
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 need time to prepare food and other house duit's, during screen
time
Punctuation problem
time,
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parents
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 can monitor what the
kids
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 watch. A prime example, my little sister loves animals, so by watching
animal related
Correct your spelling
animal-related
videos
Punctuation problem
videos,
show examples
 she can learn new things.
Linking Words
hence
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Hence
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,
telvison
Correct your spelling
television
 can be
helpfull
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helpful
 for
kids
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, as long as the
parents
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 monitor.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, telvison have down side too, ut can teach bad things too.
children
Capitalize the word
Children
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 have
high
Correct article usage
a high
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 probability to mimic what they
saw
Wrong verb form
see
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 or
listen
Verb problem
hear
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. If they are watching unfiltered videos
such
Linking Words
 as action movies,
then
Linking Words
 they might harm other
kids
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 fighting in st school.
Wreslting
Correct your spelling
Wrestling
,
for instance
Linking Words
, the programme show un filtered moves and
volgure
Correct your spelling
vulgar
 languages.
Conclusion
In
conclution
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, watching
Use synonyms
tv
Capitalize the proper name
TV
show examples
 might
hve
Correct your spelling
have
 some consequences, but
i stongly
Correct your spelling
I strongly
 believe
i
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 can be
helpfull
Correct your spelling
helpful
 to the
parents
Use synonyms
 and
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 can be educational for children.

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task response
Discuss both sides in a more equal way. The first side says TV has bad effects, but your first body part mainly explains why parents may need free time. Add more about how TV can hurt children, such as less sleep, less play, or bad ideas from shows.
task response
Make your own view clear from the start and keep it the same. You say children should watch TV, but only for a limited time. State this clearly in the first part, then say what limits parents should use.
task response
Give fuller support for each main idea. Explain how animal shows help a child learn, and explain what a child may do after seeing fighting or rude words. This will make your ideas stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end. However, some ideas are not fully linked. Use simple links such as “For example”, “As a result”, “However”, and “Therefore” to show the next step in your idea.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. In the first body part, focus on learning from good TV shows. Put the point about parents doing house work in a separate sentence and link it to parent control.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order and full stops. Some sentences are very long or incomplete. Write shorter sentences so the reader can follow your meaning more easily.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and give your own view. Your view is clear: TV can help children when parents control it.
task response
You use examples, such as animal videos and wrestling shows. These examples are linked to your main ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The essay follows a useful order: introduction, one paragraph for each side, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words, such as “Firstly”, “On the other hand”, “For instance”, and “In conclusion”.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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