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Band 4.5

Many young people leave school with negative attitudes towards learning. What are the causes？How to encourage young people to study？

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Introduction
In recent years, it has been reported that more and more young people are leaving school with negative attitudes towards learning. There are many causes behind
this
Linking Words
phenomena
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phenomenon
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 and
proposal
Correct article usage
a proposal
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 of
solution
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a solution
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 will be explained below.
Body paragraph 1
One of the most prominent
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 would be
a
Correct word choice
that a
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heavy workload has been given to students as a form of 'Homework'.On top of the school work, they get burdened with additional assignments and projects to do after school.
This
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does
Verb problem
apply
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not only
take
Correct subject-verb agreement
takes
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 away their spare time to
socialize
Change the spelling
socialise
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 but
also
Linking Words
 lose opportunities to play any sports or pursue their hobbies.
As a result
Linking Words
, they can not unwind or
distress
Verb problem
distract
show examples
 themselves. Another reason would be a teaching style. There are teachers who have strict and inflexible teaching, where students
abide
Verb problem
are required
show examples
 to follow the rules.
This
Linking Words
 behaviour triggers a negativity
to
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in
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 students, which
turn
Correct subject-verb agreement
turns
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 into
disliking
Replace the word
a dislike
 of subjects or
teacher
Correct article usage
the teacher
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.
Consequently
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, young children tend to leave their studies.
Body paragraph 2
Although
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the problems can cause a big impact on
education
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the education
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 of the young generation, there are some plausible efforts
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
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 be put into practice to solve the issues.
Firstly
Linking Words
, schools can design the courses where children do the homework in the classroom
instead
Linking Words
 of doing
at
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it at
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 home,
Linking Words
this
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which
show examples
 will provide them with leisure time to learn new skills.
Secondly
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, teachers can adapt new skills and teaching styles to motivate pupils for focused studies.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
additional
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the additional
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 burden of assignments and
inflexibility
Correct article usage
the inflexibility
show examples
 of teaching practices can cause many problems.
However
Linking Words
, they can be solved by flexibility in the workload and
adaptating
Correct your spelling
adapting
 new teaching skills.

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task response
You answer both parts of the question: causes and ways to help. To make your ideas stronger, explain each cause in more detail and show how each answer will work.
task response
Use clear, real examples. For example, say how less homework can give students time to rest, play sport, and return to class with more energy.
task response
Develop the point about teachers more fully. Explain what a more open class may look like, such as group work, class talk, or choice of tasks.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending. Keep one main idea in each paragraph and link the sentences more smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are not used in the best way. Do not start a sentence with “Although” when you then give a solution. Use “However” or “To solve this problem” instead.
coherence and cohesion
Make the end match the body more closely. Restate both main causes and both main answers in a short, clear way.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words with care: “First”, “Second”, “As a result”, “For this reason”, and “However”. This will make the order of your ideas easier to follow.
task response
You give two clear causes: too much homework and a strict teaching style. You also give two useful answers: less work at home and better teaching.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because the first body paragraph focuses on causes and the next one focuses on answers.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion show the main topic and give the reader a clear overall view.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic pressure
  • holistic understanding
  • irrelevant
  • disengage
  • supportive learning environment
  • undiganosed issues
  • frustration
  • aversion
  • peer pressure
  • stigma
  • academically inclined
  • non-academic peers
  • digital age
  • over-reliance
  • instant gratification
What to do next:
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