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Writing Samples
Band 7

Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Both male and female
students
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 are supposed to get equal access to every
university
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 regardless of their majors.
While
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 there could be some reasons for accepting the given view, I’m partially against it
due to
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 the fact that there are some
subjects
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 which are more suitable for a specific
gender
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.
Body paragraph 1
Some people hold the view that every
university
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 major is bound to have an equal male and female ratio. As there is equality in the
university
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, everyone is highly likely to get an equal opportunity in the workplace. In
this
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 way, it can somehow deter
gender
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 discrimination and inequality in our society. To illustrate, in Myanmar, the marks required to apply to medical universities are different for male and female
students
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 , so that there would not be only male or female doctors dominating the medical industry, and it can
also
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 create a diverse working environment.
Body paragraph 2
However
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, it is my belief that not every subject is equally interesting for both men and women. By limiting a fixed number of each
gender
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 who can enrol in every subject, it is not fair to some
students
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 who do not have a chance to choose the
subjects
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 they are passionate about and end up in different careers.
For example
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, in Myanmar, some male
students
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 were rejected from marine engineering
subjects
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,
whereas
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 female
students
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 chose it not because they are interested in it , but because it is one of the highest-ranked universities.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 there are those who point out
gender
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 equality in all
university
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subjects
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, I believe that it does not need to be applied
for
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to
show examples
 every subject , and there should be some flexibility in some
subjects
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 aligned with
students
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’ passions and personalities.

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task response
You answer the question and give a clear partly disagree view. Make your main view more exact: say if equal numbers should be used in no subjects, some subjects, or only in special cases.
task response
Your second main idea needs more care. Saying that some subjects are more right for one gender can sound too general. Focus instead on student choice, skill, and interest. These can differ from person to person.
task response
Explain more clearly why equal numbers may stop some good students from joining a subject. For example, say that a place should go to the student with the best marks or most skill, not be kept only for one gender.
task response
Your Myanmar examples are useful and linked to the topic. Add one or two clear details to show what happened and why this proves your point.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: introduction, one side, your view, and conclusion. Keep this plan in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
Make the first body paragraph easier to follow. The link from equal numbers at university to equal jobs is not fully explained. Add a short step between these ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences. For the second body paragraph, you could write: “Equal numbers may also limit student choice.” This tells the reader the main point at once.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are long and join too many ideas. Split them into two or three shorter sentences, especially in both examples. This will make your meaning clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. “However”, “For example”, and “In conclusion” work well. You can also use “As a result” when you show an effect.
task response
You discuss both sides and make your own position clear from the start.
task response
The examples from Myanmar are relevant and help make the essay feel real.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has a clear job, and the conclusion matches your main view.
coherence and cohesion
You use basic linking words well to guide the reader through the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender diversity
  • fostering innovation
  • educational experience
  • enforcing gender quotas
  • merit and potential
  • individual achievements
  • natural differences
  • gender equality
  • reducing gender stereotypes
  • balanced workforce
  • traditionally male-dominated or female-dominated fields
  • fluctuating applicant numbers
  • compromise on quality
  • diversity aspects
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