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Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people think that children should not watch telvision as it has negative effects while some people believe that they should watch television as it helps them in their future. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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Introduction
There is a debate over whether allowing children to watch
television
Use synonyms
 has negative or positive effects on them.
Although
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 it can distract young people from important tasks and make them more introverted, I believe they can learn valuable lessons from programmes,
while
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also
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 remaining safe when their
parents
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 are busy.
Therefore
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, its benefits outweigh its drawbacks.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, watching TV can distract pupils from completing other important tasks. Since it is highly entertaining and they are not responsible enough to prioritise their duties, they may prefer it.
Consequently
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, it can be a burden for
parents
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 to convince them to do their homework or household chores.
Moreover
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, some youngsters may become addicted to
television
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 and spend more time in front of the screen than participating in activities with their friends and family.
This
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 can make them more introverted and prevent them from developing social skills.
For instance
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,
due to
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 the variety of content available nowadays, many
parents
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 limit their offspring’s screen time to minimise the risk of addiction.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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,
television
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 can keep youngsters occupied
while
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 their
parents
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 or caregivers are busy, reducing the need for constant supervision and keeping them away from potential physical dangers.
Furthermore
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, many programmes are designed to educate children
while
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 entertaining them. Much of
this
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 content contains hidden messages and life lessons about appropriate behaviour and distinguishing right from wrong. Other shows are educational and introduce them to new vocabulary, colours, animals and numbers.
For example
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, many
parents
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 play Ms Rachel for their one- or two-year-old children to help them learn simple words
such
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 as “mom” and “dad”,
as well as
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 colours and animal names.
Conclusion
To conclude
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,
although
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 excessive screen time can distract youngsters from their responsibilities and hinder their social development, I believe that
television
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 can be beneficial when their viewing is properly controlled, as it can provide education, entertainment and a safe way to keep them occupied.

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task response
You discuss both sides and give a clear view. To make your view even stronger, say more clearly that TV is good only when adults control the time and choose good shows.
task response
Your ideas are clear and well explained. You could add one short point about how too much TV may affect sleep or health, so the bad side feels more complete.
task response
Your examples fit your ideas well. The example about Ms Rachel is clear, but you could also give one example of a child missing homework or play time because of TV.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a very clear plan: first the bad side, then the good side, then your final view. Keep this strong paragraph order.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words well, such as “On the one hand”, “Moreover”, “Furthermore”, and “To conclude”. You could use fewer links in some places, so the writing feels more natural.
coherence and cohesion
Most sentences follow each other smoothly. In the first paragraph, the idea about being introverted could connect more directly to less time with friends, before saying it affects social skills.
task response
You answer every part of the question: you explain both views and state your own opinion clearly.
task response
Your main points are useful and easy to understand. You explain both the risks of too much TV and the learning value of good shows.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has one clear main idea, and the final paragraph brings your key points together well.
coherence and cohesion
Your examples support your points and help the reader understand your meaning.
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