IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Introduction
There is a perspective that has been widely discussed, which is that authorities should invest more funds in
railways
Use synonyms
 rather than routes. I strongly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 view because both infrastructures need investment for different transportation purposes.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
Linking Words
, roads are basic infrastructure for cars. It is used widely for daily commutes or local transportation. It is crucial for every resident who lives in the community, and it should be well-designed and well-maintained.
This
Linking Words
 is because it would influence all commuters and students who need to drive cars or take buses to work or go to school.
For example
Linking Words
, governments would receive multiple complaints if a road is blocked for a long time because everyone needs an efficient pathway for working or studying.
Therefore
Linking Words
, roads are critical to connect different destinations and their irreplaceability for the residents is higher than that of
railways
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, investment in
railways
Use synonyms
 might not be a wise idea, because it is unpredictable to build a costly railway which is still needs money to maintain. The local economy might not need it, and the taxpayer couldn't afford the maintenance fee.
For instance
Linking Words
, a megacity in China has built a high-speed railway for their citizens, where have no local commerce.
Thus
Linking Words
, the investment leads to bankruptcy for the local economy if it isn't well discussed.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I disagree with the statement that puts all the money on the railway with no brain. I believe that both
railways
Use synonyms
 and roads need fundraising in the long run, but all projects need to be well planned and transparent to the public.

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task response
Make your main view more exact. You say roads and railways both need money, but the question asks if railways should get more money than roads. State clearly that you disagree because roads should not get less money.
task response
Develop the railway point in a fair way. Do not only say railways are costly. Explain when railways are useful, such as for long trips, less traffic, and less air harm, before showing why roads still need enough money.
task response
Use a more clear and real example. The China example is hard to follow and has no clear place, cost, or result. You could explain that a rail line in a small area may have too few users, so it may not pay for its high cost.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end. To make the flow better, link each paragraph more directly to your main view: roads need money for daily life, while rail plans should be chosen with care.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same idea in each paragraph. In the first body part, focus on why roads need money. In the second, focus on why railways should not always get more money. This will make your argument easier to read.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple links more carefully, such as “For this reason”, “However”, and “As a result”. Also, avoid very strong or informal words in the end. Replace “with no brain” with “without careful planning”.
task response
You give a clear view from the start and keep this view through the essay: both roads and railways need public money.
task response
Your first main point is useful and easy to understand. You explain that roads help people travel to work and school every day.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is well set out with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful signposts, such as “Firstly”, “On the other hand”, “For example”, and “In conclusion”.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Carbon emissions
  • Mass transportation
  • Traffic congestion
  • Economic growth
  • Regional development
  • Initial investment
  • Feasibility
  • Flexibility
  • Rural areas
  • Integration
  • Sustainable
  • Efficiency
  • Infrastructure
  • Commuters
  • Public expenditure
  • Autonomous vehicles
  • Long-term investment
  • Accessibility
  • Connectivity
  • Modal shift
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