IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

4.5 / 9
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Introduction
There is a perspective
has
Correct pronoun usage
that has
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 been
discussed widely
Correct word order
widely discussed,
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 which is authorites should invest more funds
on
Change preposition
in
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railways
Use synonyms
 rather than routes. I strongly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 view because both infrastructures need investment for different
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
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 of transportation.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
Linking Words
, roads are basic
infrastructures
Check wording
infrastructure
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 for cars. It is used widely for daily
commute
Check wording
commutes
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 or local transportation. It is crucial for every
residents
Fix the agreement mistake
resident
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 who
live
Correct subject-verb agreement
lives
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 in the community
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 it should be
well desiged
Correct your spelling
well-designed
 and maintained.
This
Linking Words
 is because it would
influent
Replace the word
influence
 all commuters and students who need
drive
Verb problem
to drive
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 cars or take buses to work or go to school.
For example
Linking Words
, governments would receive multiple complaints if a road is blocked for a long time because everyone
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
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 an efficient pathway for working or studying.
Therefore
Linking Words
, roads are critical to connect different destinations and
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
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 irreplacability for the residents is higher than
Use synonyms
railways
Correct pronoun usage
that of railways
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.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, investment
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
railways
Use synonyms
 might
be not
Correct word order
not be
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 a wise idea, because it is unpredictable to build a
costy
Correct your spelling
costly
 railway which is still
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
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 money to
maintaining
Wrong verb form
maintain
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. The local economy might not need it
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 the taxpayer couldn't afford the maintenance fee.
For instance
Linking Words
, a
mega city
Correct your spelling
megacity
 in China
had
Wrong verb form
has
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 built a
highspeed
Correct your spelling
high-speed
 railway for their citizens
where
Punctuation problem
, where
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
there are
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 no local
commerces
Correct your spelling
commerce
.
Thus
Linking Words
, the investment
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
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 to a
bankrupcy
Correct your spelling
bankruptcy
 for
local
Correct article usage
the local
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 economy if it isn't well discussed.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I disagree with the statement that
put
Correct subject-verb agreement
puts
show examples
 all the money on
railway
Correct article usage
the railway
show examples
 with
nobrainer
Correct your spelling
no brainer
. I believe that both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
railways
Use synonyms
 and roads
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
need
fundrasing
Correct your spelling
fundraising
 in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 long run, but all
the project
Fix the agreement mistake
projects
show examples
 need to be well planned and be transparent to the public.

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task response
Make your main view more exact. You say you disagree, but your key point is that both roads and railways need money. State this clearly at the start and keep the same view in every part.
task response
Answer the word “rather” more fully. Explain why money should not go mainly to railways, and say how a government could share money between roads and railways.
task response
Develop each main point with a clear reason and result. For roads, explain why buses, cars, goods, and emergency help need good local roads. For railways, explain that rail can still be useful in large, busy cities.
task response
Use more clear and believable examples. The China example is not clear enough, and the claim about a local economy going broke needs more support. Give a simple, direct case with a clear link to your point.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: start, roads, railways, and end. Keep this shape, but make each body part begin with one direct main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more clearly. For example: “Roads are needed for short daily trips. As a result, poor road care can affect many people.” This makes the reason and result easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid unclear or very strong phrases such as “put all the money on railway.” The question does not say all money. Use “spend more money on railways than on roads” instead.
coherence and cohesion
Use the same words for key ideas. Choose “roads” and “railways” and use them often, rather than changing to “routes” or other less clear words.
task response
You give a clear overall view and discuss both roads and railways, so the essay stays on the main topic.
task response
Your road paragraph gives a useful real-life point: many people need roads for work, school, and daily travel.
coherence and cohesion
The body parts are separated in a clear way, and the final paragraph returns to your main view.
coherence and cohesion
You use basic link words such as “Firstly,” “On the other hand,” “For example,” and “Therefore” to guide the reader.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Carbon emissions
  • Mass transportation
  • Traffic congestion
  • Economic growth
  • Regional development
  • Initial investment
  • Feasibility
  • Flexibility
  • Rural areas
  • Integration
  • Sustainable
  • Efficiency
  • Infrastructure
  • Commuters
  • Public expenditure
  • Autonomous vehicles
  • Long-term investment
  • Accessibility
  • Connectivity
  • Modal shift
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