Nowadays, people are spending more time away form their homes, because they spend longer in their work place. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages.

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Introduction
In
this
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busy world, people tend to stay more at
work
Use synonyms
rather than at home. In an essay, I will eplain to advantages and disadvantages of working more.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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with, people like to
work
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more because they want to earn enough for their family's needs. To explain,
due to
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an increase in the price of daily household items, it is getting difficult to survive on less money. Humans need to
work
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more to earn more so they can pay bills for their needs ,
such
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as groceries, electricity,
car
Correct article usage
a car
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, etc.
Moreover
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, modernisation and an increase in technology, new gadgets and launching in society. Every person likes to have the latest technology in their house to keep up with society.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, not giving enough time to family can make a difference in relation. To elaborate, humans like to live with someone they love , and they like to share their feelings and emotions. People who do not spend time with family feel isolated from family. Family start making distance from the person as kids feel like their father is only likely to stay outside and come home to eat and sleep.
Therefore
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, they do not talk much with each other and like to share more with friends as compared to family.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
work
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is important in
this
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growing world to keep up with society.
However
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, giving time to family is more important
to
Correct word choice
than
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keeping the bond strong and showing them they matter.

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Task response
You answer both parts of the task: good points and bad points. However, the ideas need more detail. Explain how more pay can help a family, and how long work hours can harm home life.
Task response
Use clearer examples. For example, say that a parent who works late may miss dinner or a child’s school event. This makes your point easier to understand.
Task response
Some ideas are not fully clear. The part about new technology and gadgets needs a clear link to working longer. Say that people may work more to pay for these things.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, one paragraph for good points, one for bad points, and an ending. This is a good shape for this task.
Coherence and cohesion
Make the first sentence of each paragraph more direct. For example: “Working longer has some benefits, mainly higher pay.” Then give your reasons.
Coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. “To explain” and “To elaborate” are used often. You can also use “For example,” “As a result,” and “In contrast” to show the link between ideas.
Coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. In the first body paragraph, first discuss bills and basic needs, then explain spending on new things as a second clear point.
Task response
You discuss both the good side of longer work hours and the bad side for family life.
Task response
Your main ideas are relevant: people may need more money, while families need time together.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it uses clear paragraph breaks and a conclusion.
Coherence and cohesion
Words such as “To begin with,” “On the other hand,” and “In conclusion” help show the order of your ideas.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...
Topic Vocabulary:
  • professional growth
  • networking opportunities
  • work-life imbalance
  • career advancement
  • burnout
  • strained relationships
  • physical and mental health risks
  • dedication
  • expertise
  • collaboration
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