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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

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Introduction
There is a considerable debate over whether governments should increase the number of
sports
Use synonyms
 facilities to improve public
health
Use synonyms
 or adopt other measures like
public
Correct article usage
a public
show examples
health
Use synonyms
awareness
Use synonyms
 campaign. I believe that improving public
health
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 requires not only greater access to
sports
Use synonyms
 facilities but
also
Linking Words
awareness
Use synonyms
 of the benefits of
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 lifestyle.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, many
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
sports
Use synonyms
 play an essential role in keeping the human body healthy.
Exersising
Correct your spelling
Exercising
 and participating actively in
sports
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 not only
improve
Correct subject-verb agreement
improves
show examples
 physical
health
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 but
also
Linking Words
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 a positive impact on mental well-being.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, they
also
Linking Words
 reduce the risks of diabetes, obesity and cardiovascular diseases.
In addition
Linking Words
, affordable
sports
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 centres
also
Linking Words
 become attractive to residents to come and
socialize
Change the spelling
socialise
show examples
 with other
people
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which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 fosters a healthy community.
For example
Linking Words
, countries where governments provide free and affordable access to gyms, swimming pool and public
sports
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 grounds encourage
people
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 to participate more regularly in
sports
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, potentially reducing the risks of problems related to
unhealthy
Correct article usage
an unhealthy
show examples
 lifestyle.
Body paragraph 2
However
Linking Words
, significant
improvemnets
Correct your spelling
improvements
 in public
health
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 can be achieved through greater
sports
Use synonyms
 centres
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
awareness
Use synonyms
 campaigns are required.
People
Use synonyms
 who understand the benefits of exercise and
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 diet may be more likely to make healthier choices.
Moreover
Linking Words
, improving nutritional standards in schools and providing regular
health
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 check-ups can help prevent disease and encourage
healthiee
Correct your spelling
healthy
 habits.
For instance
Linking Words
,
public
Correct article usage
a public
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 campaign that
spread
Correct subject-verb agreement
spreads
show examples
awareness
Use synonyms
 about the dangers of excessive sugar consumption may encourage
people
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 to decrease the consumption of sugary products.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 increasing
sports
Use synonyms
 facilities will improve public
health
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,
this
Linking Words
 approach should be combined with public
health
Use synonyms
comapigns
Correct your spelling
campaigns
 and preventive healthcare measures.

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task response
You discuss both views and give your own view clearly. To make your answer stronger, explain more fully why sports places alone may not help people who do not have time, money, or a wish to exercise.
task response
Your main ideas are clear, but some points need deeper support. For example, show how health checks or better school food can stop illness before it starts.
task response
Your examples fit the topic, but they are quite general. Add one clear, real-life type of example, such as free local exercise classes together with school lessons on food.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part plan: introduction, two main parts, and conclusion. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
The first main part is well ordered. In the second main part, the first sentence is not fully clear: “can be achieved through greater sports centres but...” Rewrite it to show the contrast more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. You use “Furthermore”, “In addition”, “However”, and “Moreover” well, but do not add them only for style. Make sure each one shows the exact link between ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Keep key words the same where possible. For example, use “sports facilities” or “sports centres” in a steady way, rather than changing terms too often.
task response
You answer every part of the question: you explain the value of sports facilities, present other health steps, and state that both are needed.
task response
The ideas about exercise, healthy food, health checks, and sugar are relevant and useful.
coherence and cohesion
Each main part has a clear central idea, and the conclusion brings your view back in a direct way.
coherence and cohesion
The use of paragraphs helps the reader move through your ideas easily.
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