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Writing Samples
Band 5

some people think all lawbreakers should be sent to prison, while others think there are better alternatives for those whose crimes are minor, such as making them do work for the local community. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

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Introduction
At present, there is an ongoing political debate about whether offenders should be
inprisoned
Correct your spelling
imprisoned
, no
metter
Correct your spelling
matter
 the gravity of the crime.
While
Linking Words
 some people agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement, others believe that alternative solutions should be found for minor offenders. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will carefully examine both sides, before explaining why I
agreee
Correct your spelling
agree
 with the second group.
Body paragraph 1
On the one side,
enprisonment
Correct your spelling
imprisonment
 can be a powerful deterrent. If criminals know that they may face prison, they would be likely to make wiser choices. In
coutries
Correct your spelling
countries
 like Singapore,
arsh
Correct your spelling
harsh
 punishments have proven to be effective
to lower
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in lowering
show examples
 crime rates.
Moreover
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, the justice system is funded on the assumption that the penalty should be measured
on
Change preposition
by
show examples
 the crime committed.
This
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 principle works perfectly when it
come
Correct subject-verb agreement
comes
show examples
 to major crimes, like murder or rape.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, one may argue that countries with rehabilitation prison systems,
such
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 as Norway, have reported the lowest reoffending rates. Providing education, job placement and care,
offfenders
Correct your spelling
offenders
 can go back to insociety as onest citizens, with new skills and resources.
This
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 is specifically true for
jouvenile
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juvenile
 crimes. When it comes to young criminals, we need to consider the psychological
develpment
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development
 of their
brain
Fix the agreement mistake
brains
show examples
, which is still unfinished.
Therefore
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, youth
criminars
Replace the word
criminals
 are more likely to choose by following their instincts, and to suffer from peer pressure. Regarding
at
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apply
show examples
them differently is only logical, as they have great chances of change and to live a normal life, if
pusnihment
Correct your spelling
punishment
 is not too severe.
Conclusion
After considering both sides, I would argue that a more moderate approach is not only more effective but
also
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 more viable.
While
Linking Words
enprisonment
Correct your spelling
imprisonment
 can be a valuable solution to major crimes, a
rehabilitaional
Correct your spelling
rehabilitative
 approach can ensure lower reoffending rates and
gives
Wrong verb form
give
show examples
 people more chances to live a normal life later on.

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task response
You discuss both views and give a clear view. To make your view stronger, say more about why work for the local area is better for small crimes. For example, explain how it can help the town and make the person take care of others.
task response
Some ideas need more support. The point about Singapore is useful, but explain how prison stops crime. The point about Norway is also useful, but link it more clearly to small crimes, not only to prison work.
task response
Be careful with very broad claims, such as saying that a system works perfectly. Use softer words like “can work well” or “is often used” instead.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending. Keep this plan. Each body part has one main idea, so the reader can follow your work easily.
coherence and cohesion
Make some links between ideas more natural. For example, change “Providing education, job placement and care, offenders can go back...” to “By giving offenders education, job help, and care, they can go back...”
coherence and cohesion
Use clear words for the people you mean. “Young criminals” is clearer than “youth criminars,” and “treating them differently” is clearer than “regarding at them differently.”
coherence and cohesion
Check spelling and word forms, as they sometimes slow the reader down. Examples include “imprisoned,” “matter,” “countries,” “harsh,” “offenders,” “society,” “honest,” “juvenile,” “development,” and “punishment.”
task response
You answer every part of the question: you explain the case for prison, the case for other ways, and your own view.
task response
Your use of Singapore and Norway gives your ideas a real-world feel and helps show the two sides.
coherence and cohesion
The opening clearly tells the reader what the essay will do and gives your view.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “On the one side,” “Moreover,” “On the other hand,” and “Therefore” help show the order of your ideas.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • lawbreakers
  • deterrent
  • rehabilitation
  • community service
  • recidivism
  • incarceration
  • public safety
  • cost-effectiveness
  • infraction
  • reintegration
  • punitive measures
  • reoffending
  • stigmatization
  • educational programs
  • counseling programs
  • alternative approaches
  • societal benefits
  • burden on taxpayers
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