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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

5.5 / 9
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Introduction
Taking risks in
live
Replace the word
life
, whether it be in professional development or personal life choices, in my personal view, can surely be positive for most people, particularly for those who have a tough time making new friends and building a professional network.
Body paragraph 1
In personal life, being more carefree and adventurous
;
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
 not second-guessing every decision you take, can definitely bring excitement to your routine. Sometimes, the most meaningful experiences and interactions arise from unexpected situations, when you are not prepared or haven’t planned for it at all. Risking coming across as too forward and expansive in social gatherings,
for example
Linking Words
, could help you build new relationships.
Body paragraph 2
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in corporate or more formal environments, having a confident attitude towards collaborative projects may often be more relevant than the technical aspects of it or the results themselves.
Body paragraph 3
For instance
Linking Words
, someone in your team may be more skilled or more capable of doing some tasks, but if they lack the social skills and confidence to show themselves as worthy of promotion, another person can easily climb the corporate ladder faster simply by being seen and talking more often, even if it may put their reputation on the line for not being thorough enough.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I believe that being open to taking more risks in day-to-day situations may
brings
Wrong verb form
bring
show examples
 some clear benefits for most people. Both in professional and personal life, avoiding worrying when you don’t have a structured plan for everything and going with the flow might release some weight from your shoulders and open up new paths that you never thought about.

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task response
State your main view more clearly in the first part: the good points are greater than the bad points. Then explain both sides. At present, the essay mainly gives the good side, so the answer is not fully balanced.
task response
Add one clear bad point, such as loss of money, time, or trust when a risk fails. Then say why careful risks still give more good than harm.
task response
Make the work example closer to the main idea. Explain that speaking up for a new plan can lead to a new role, but acting without enough care can hurt a person's name.
coherence and cohesion
Your order is easy to follow: opening, personal life, work life, example, and ending. Make each body part start with one clear main point, then give a reason and an example.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with more care. Words such as “However”, “As a result”, and “For this reason” can show the link between risk, its result, and your final view.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same key words through the essay. For example, use “taking risks” and “careful risks” often, instead of moving to wider ideas such as “going with the flow” without a clear link.
task response
You give a clear overall view that taking risks can help people in both social life and work.
task response
The example about promotion is useful because it shows how risk can affect a real work situation.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start and end, and the two main body parts focus on personal life and work life.
coherence and cohesion
Paragraphing is clear, and “For instance” helps the reader see that the next part is an example.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
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