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Writing Samples
Band 3

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageijg population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people To what extent do the advantages of having an ageijg population outweigh the disadvantages

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Introduction
Nowadays
because
Punctuation problem
, because
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 of the development of science
people
Punctuation problem
, people
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 live
more
Rephrase
longer
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than before .
Therefore
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, a controversy among people
due to
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 the
Use synonyms
elders
Correct word choice
elderly
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 population . Some people believe that
elders
Use synonyms
 are a main part of any
society
Punctuation problem
society,
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while
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other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 oppose.In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both points of view
whether
Punctuation problem
, whether
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 or
.
Rephrase
not.
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Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with,the population of the grown ups deliver many various privileges to our communities and
a
Verb problem
is a
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main society builder .
Elders
Use synonyms
 have
certian
Correct your spelling
certain
 experience that can't be achieved in
today
Check wording
today's
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 life,
Body paragraph 2
especially from retired profissionals that managed the
country
Use synonyms
 in the past. These
elders
Use synonyms
 are a real
invsetment
Correct your spelling
investment
 that don't stay long.
For instance
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, Japan became a developed
country
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 after
they gave
Fix the agreement mistake
it provided
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 the elderly community
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with
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their
necessaries
Replace the word
necessities
 and invested in their
abilities of planning
Correct word order
planning abilities
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.
Body paragraph 3
Furthermore
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 , nothing comes
with
Change preposition
in
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 a perfect form.
Use synonyms
Elders
Correct word choice
Elderly
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 health requirements are very
expiensive for any
Correct word order
expensive for any country's
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country
Use synonyms
 economy. Growns require the latest medicines and the best medical
equipments
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equipment
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,all of these needs require
to
Use the right word
too
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 much dibs for the governments to
offord
Correct your spelling
afford
.
For example
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, China invested in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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medical experiments and healthcare development to develop
their
Fix the agreement mistake
its
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 hospitals and provide a better environment for the
Replace the word
elderly
elders
Use synonyms
.
As a result
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, a developed
country
Use synonyms
 that
import
Correct subject-verb agreement
imports
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 goods
with
Change preposition
from
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 many industrial cities.
Conclusion
To conclude
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 .
grown ups
Correct your spelling
grown-ups
 are a base part of any society that carry good impact
to
Change preposition
on
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 the community . I firmly believe that the privileges outweigh the drawbacks .

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task response
Answer the main question more clearly. Say if the good points are greater than the bad points, and keep this view clear from the start to the end.
task response
Develop each main point with a clear reason and result. For example, older people can share work and life knowledge, but a larger older group can cost more for health care and pensions.
task response
Your Japan and China examples are not clear enough. Explain how each example proves your point. Do not make a claim about a country unless you can link it directly to the idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple four-part plan: introduction, one paragraph on benefits, one paragraph on problems, and conclusion. Give each paragraph one main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Make the first sentence of each body paragraph clear. For example: “One main benefit of an ageing population is the experience older people can share.”
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words such as “First”, “However”, “For example”, “As a result”, and “In conclusion”. Make sure the next sentence follows the one before it.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid unclear words such as “grown ups”, “privileges”, and “necessaries”. Use “older people”, “benefits”, “needs”, and “health care” so the reader can follow your meaning.
task response
You discuss both benefits and problems of an ageing population, and you give your own view in the conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion. You also try to use link words such as “For instance”, “Furthermore”, and “As a result”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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