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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that high salary is important when choosing a company to work for, while other think that good working atmosphere is more important, Discuss both views and state your opinion.

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Introduction
It is often debated whether people should prioritise a high salary or a positive working
environment
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 when choosing a company.
Although
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 a healthy workplace can enhance productivity and encourage
employees
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 to remain with the same employer, I believe that a high income is more important because it provides financial security and a better quality of life.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, a positive working
environment
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 can have a significant impact on
employees
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’ performance and job satisfaction. When workers feel supported, respected and comfortable, they are more likely to perform effectively and continue developing their skills and abilities.
Moreover
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, a healthy atmosphere can encourage
employees
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 to stay with the same company for longer, as they are less likely to experience stress or consider resigning.
For example
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, many
employees
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 in the UK banking sector reportedly leave their jobs after relatively short periods because of high levels of stress and unhealthy workplace cultures, despite receiving competitive salaries.
Therefore
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, a supportive
environment
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 can contribute to both professional development and employee retention.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, I believe that financial compensation is more important because it affects people’s lives beyond the workplace. As the cost of living continues to rise, a well-paid job enables individuals to cover essential expenses,
such
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 as housing, groceries and their children’s education, without excessive financial pressure. It can
also
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 provide opportunities to enjoy life through travel and leisure,
while
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 allowing people to save for their future and retirement.
For instance
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, in Saudi Arabia,
employees
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 with higher salaries generally receive higher pension payments after retirement.
This
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 demonstrates that greater earnings can provide financial benefits that extend beyond an individual’s working years.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 a positive working
environment
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 can improve
employees
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’ performance, development and long-term commitment, I believe that a high salary is more important.
This
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 is because financial security influences not only people’s working lives but
also
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 their ability to maintain a comfortable lifestyle and prepare for the future.

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task response
You discuss both sides and give a clear view. To make your view even stronger, say more clearly why pay matters more than a good work place when the two cannot both be chosen.
task response
Your main ideas are clear and well explained. The examples fit, but the UK banking example would be stronger with a more exact source or a less broad claim. For example, say that this may happen in some banks, rather than suggesting it happens across the whole field.
task response
The point about pay after work ends is useful. You could also note that a very bad work place may harm health, even if the pay is good. Then explain why you still put pay first.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part plan: start, first view, second view, and end. Each paragraph has one main idea, so it is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Your links are used well, such as 'On the one hand', 'Moreover', 'For example', and 'In conclusion'. Try not to use the same pattern too often. You can also use short links like 'This means' or 'As a result'.
coherence and cohesion
The last paragraph repeats your view clearly. To make the flow even better, link the first and second body paragraphs more directly by saying that a good work place is valuable, but pay has effects both at work and at home.
task response
You answer every part of the question: you explain both views and clearly state your own view.
task response
Your reasons are relevant and easy to understand. The points about daily costs, saving, and later life support your view well.
coherence and cohesion
The ideas move in a clear order, and each paragraph stays on one topic.
coherence and cohesion
The opening and ending match well. Your main view is clear from the start and is repeated at the end.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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