Question: Universities should accept equal number of males and females in every subject. To what extent do you agree?

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Introduction
Studying at
university
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is one of the most important and challenging experiences for most of the
students
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. It is often argued that there should be an equal number of boys and girls enrolled in courses at universities. I strongly disagree with the statement, and
this
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essay will explain the argument.
Body paragraph 1
First of all, most of the
students
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choose to study
according to
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their interests, not because of the spots available.
In addition
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, some courses are most likely to be studied by females rather than
males
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.
For instance
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, in most cases, girls are more driven towards nursing courses in comparison to
males
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.
As a result
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, the quota allocated for
males
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will remain blank if it is decided
according to
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gender.
Therefore
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, it is better to include everyone who likes to study the specific course.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, universities will incur financial loss if the allocated seats for
males
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and females aren't fulfilled sufficiently. Provided that, the
university
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needs a huge amount of money to pay its staff and to run successfully, which is only possible through
students
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' fees. If the expected number of
students
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isn't enrolled just because of the gender issue, the
university
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will go through an economic crisis.
For instance
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, many news articles give information about colleges being shut down
due to
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a low number of
students
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being enrolled.
Therefore
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, it is better to include everyone who likes to study any subject.
Conclusion
In conclusion, if the
university
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chose to take
students
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based on gender, it would create a problem for
students
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and the
university
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. It will restrict the
interest
Replace the word
interested
candidate
to get
Change preposition
from getting
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into the college, or the
university
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will face difficulties in future.

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task response
Your view is clear: you do not agree. However, explain more fully why equal numbers would be unfair. For example, say that a student with lower marks may get a place only because of sex, while a better student may lose it.
task response
Your two main ideas are useful, but the second idea about money needs more support. Explain why empty places may happen and why this can harm teaching, staff, or classes.
task response
Use one clear, real-like example. The point about nursing is helpful, but avoid saying that girls are naturally more suited to it. Say that more women may choose it in some places because of choice and social views.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: opening, two main parts, and ending. Keep this shape, but make the link between each main idea and your view more direct.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow. For example, change “Provided that, the university needs...” to “Universities need money to pay staff and run their courses.” Use short, clear sentences when you give a reason.
coherence and cohesion
Do not repeat the same ending idea after both body parts: “include everyone who likes to study.” Instead, use a different final sentence for each part, such as “Places should go to the best students who meet the course needs.”
coherence and cohesion
In the last part, make the meaning clearer. Replace “restrict the interest candidate” with “stop interested students from entering university.” Also, say “in the future,” not “in future.”
task response
You answer the question directly and keep the same view from the start to the end.
task response
The nursing example helps show that men and women may not apply for every subject in equal numbers.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are easy to see, and each body part has one main idea.
coherence and cohesion
The opening and ending are both present, and the ending returns to your main view.
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