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Writing Samples
Band 5

To meet the growing needs of food for the increasing population, country should make use of edible insects as foods. However, some people believe that insects are not only unhealthy but affect negatively the nature too. What are the benefits and drawbacks of eating insects? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
In today’s world,
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 is increasing day by day. Some people believe that to accommodate the growing needs of
food
Use synonyms
 for the growing population, nations should eat
insects
Use synonyms
 as their
food
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,
while
Linking Words
 others argue that it is unhealthy and detrimental
for the
Change preposition
to
show examples
 nature as well. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss
various
Correct article usage
the various
show examples
 advantages and disadvantages of consuming small
insects
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 in the following paragraphs.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, an important benefit of consuming various
insects
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 would be a decreased demand
of
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for
show examples
 farming. To grow different grains, spices and other
food
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 products, the land
use
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 for agriculture is increasing.
This
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 leads to deforestation, which creates a negative impact on the environment
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such
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, such
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 as increasing air pollution, disruption of the natural habitats of many birds and animals.
For instance
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, every year
a
Punctuation problem
, a
show examples
number of trees are cut down to
do
Verb problem
make way for
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 farming so as to meet the requirements of
food
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.
However
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, if countries start to
use
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 different
insects
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 as their
food
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,
then
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 the need
of
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for
show examples
 farming can be reduced to a large extent.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, there are some limitations of eating
insects
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Linking Words
such
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, such
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 as deterioration of
ecosystem
Correct article usage
the ecosystem
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,
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apply
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 and negative impact on health.
Insects
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also
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 play a crucial role in maintaining the surroundings.
For example
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, the earthworms increase the fertility of the land, and
thus
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 make it suitable for agriculture.
Additionally
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, many birds rely on them to survive
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 because they
also
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 hunt them as their
food
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. If human beings
would
Wrong verb form
were to
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 start taking
insects
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 for
food
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,
then
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 it
can
Wrong verb form
could
show examples
 cause disruption of the natural
food
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 chain.
Moreover
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, consumption of some
insects
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 can cause diseases in humans
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as diarrhoea
,
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 inflammatory bowel disease.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 the
use
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 of different
insects
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 as
food
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 can significantly reduce
demand
Correct article usage
the demand
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 other
Use synonyms
food stuffs
Correct your spelling
foodstuffs
, their
use
Use synonyms
 can cause illness and harm the natural balance.

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task response
Answer both parts in a more even way. You explain the bad sides well, but add more good sides, such as insects being high in protein, using less water, and making less waste.
task response
Make your main ideas more clear and full. Explain why insect farming needs less land than animal farming, and how this can help feed more people.
task response
Use more real and clear examples. For example, some people eat crickets, mealworms, or ants in parts of Asia, Africa, and Latin America. Be careful with health claims: say that some insects may be unsafe if they are not raised, cooked, or stored well.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an end. To make it flow better, use links that show the exact relation between ideas, such as “As a result”, “In contrast”, and “This means that”.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each body paragraph focused on one main point. In the first body paragraph, you move from farming to trees, air, and animal homes very quickly. Add one short sentence to explain each step in the chain.
coherence and cohesion
Use more natural word groups. Write “the demand for farming” or “the need for farmland”, not “demand of farming”. Write “harmful to nature”, not “detrimental for the nature”.
task response
You discuss both the good and bad sides of eating insects, and your final view matches the ideas in the essay.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it uses a clear “On the one hand / On the other hand” plan and has a clear conclusion.
task response
Your points about less farmland and the food chain are relevant and useful for this topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • edible insects
  • increasing population
  • food needs
  • unhealthy
  • negatively affect
  • benefits
  • drawbacks
  • nutritional value
  • sustainable
  • efficient
  • abundant
  • accessible
  • economic benefits
  • culinary diversity
  • social acceptance
  • cultural acceptance
  • allergies
  • health concerns
  • environmental impact
  • ethical considerations
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