IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Nowadays, people have developed poor eating and do not eat balanced diet. What are the reason behind this? Suggest possible solutions to control this.

7.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
There is no denying the fact that unhealthy eating habits have become increasingly common in modern society.
While
Linking Words
 many people consume fast
food
Use synonyms
 and fail to maintain a balanced diet, several factors contribute to
this
Linking Words
 problem.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the main reasons behind
this
Linking Words
 trend and suggest possible solutions to address it.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with, one of the main reasons for poor eating habits is the busy lifestyle of modern people.
In other words
Linking Words
, many individuals have demanding jobs and limited time to prepare healthy
meals
Use synonyms
, which encourages them to rely on fast
food
Use synonyms
 and ready-made
meals
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 is often convenient and widely available.
For example
Linking Words
, employees who work long hours may choose takeaway
meals
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of cooking at home because they are tired after work. Another contributing factor is the lack of nutritional awareness, as some people do not fully understand the importance of consuming a balanced diet.
Body paragraph 2
To address
this
Linking Words
 issue, both governments and individuals should take practical steps.
Firstly
Linking Words
, governments could introduce educational campaigns in schools and workplaces to raise awareness of healthy eating and the risks associated with excessive consumption of processed
food
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, restaurants and
food
Use synonyms
 companies could be encouraged to provide healthier options at affordable prices.
For instance
Linking Words
, workplaces could offer nutritious
meals
Use synonyms
 in their cafeterias, making it easier for employees to choose healthier
food
Use synonyms
. Individuals should
also
Linking Words
 plan their
meals
Use synonyms
 in advance and reduce their consumption of fast
food
Use synonyms
.
Conclusion
In conclusion, poor eating habits are mainly caused by busy lifestyles, the convenience of fast
food
Use synonyms
, and a lack of nutritional knowledge.
However
Linking Words
, these problems can be addressed through public education, greater access to healthy
meals
Use synonyms
, and better personal
food
Use synonyms
 choices.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
You answer both parts of the task: you give clear causes and clear ways to deal with them. To make the ideas stronger, explain more about why people do not know enough about good food, such as ads, family habits, or poor lessons at school.
task response
Your solutions are useful and linked to the causes. Add one more clear step, such as clear food labels or lower prices for fresh food, and explain how it would help people choose better meals.
task response
Your examples fit the main ideas. Try to make one example more real and exact. For example, show how a school or work place could help people eat more fruit, vegetables, and home-made food.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow. It has a clear start, two main parts, and a clear end. Each paragraph has one main job, which helps the reader.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words well, such as “To begin with”, “In addition”, “Firstly”, and “Moreover”. To avoid repeating this pattern, use some short links too, such as “Also”, “As a result”, or “This means that”.
coherence and cohesion
The link between cause and solution is good. You can make it even clearer by matching each solution with a cause. For example, after the point about little time, say that simple meal plans can save time.
task response
The essay stays on the topic and gives direct answers about causes and solutions.
task response
The main points are clear: busy lives, easy fast food, and little knowledge about good food.
coherence and cohesion
The opening clearly tells the reader what the essay will discuss, and the ending brings the main ideas together.
coherence and cohesion
Examples about tired workers and healthy food at work help the ideas flow in a clear way.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: