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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that robots are important for humans to develop their future, while others think that it is a dangerous invention that will impact society negatively. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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Introduction
There is a controversy among individuals in the
businesses
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business
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 and industrial spheres
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due to
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over
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 whether
robots
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 are important for future
development
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 or will impact the communities negatively. I will discuss both
point
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points
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 of
veiw
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view
 and give my opinion
lastly
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.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with ,
robots
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comes
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come
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 in many various forms that carries alot of privileges to our societies , in many spheres.
Moreover
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,
robots
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 can be helpful machines that do whatever we require, of course
Punctuation problem
,
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after giving
it
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them
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 the ability to do so. Investing in
robot
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robots
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 helps us by providing
a
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apply
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better industrial and computer abilities that can improve all
citizens
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citizens'
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 and
netizens
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netizens'
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 lives.
For instance
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, China is one of the
bigest invester
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biggest investors
 in
roboting
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robotics
development
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 that achieved local and international goals through investing in
robots
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 .
Body paragraph 2
Furthermore
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 ,
roboting
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robotics
development
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 aslo deliver some drawbacks that
harmed
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harm
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labour
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 communities .Robotic machines take
off
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apply
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many
labour
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 jobs in different spheres.
As a result
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 , it mainly affected many families around the world and
also
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 a lot of
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labourers
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labour
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 individuals .
This
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 obstacle is a main problem that governments work
in
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on on
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 a daily basis in term to found a possible solution.
For example
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, a country like Spain that
produce
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produces
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 and imports different kinds of goods has a serious problem to solve, toward garduated students that coudn't find jobs because most of the companies are full of
robots
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 rather than employers.
Conclusion
To conclude
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 , I firmly believe in
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robots
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robots'
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 good
outcome
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outcomes
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 because of the huge beneficial changes in our lives as
a
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apply
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citizens and computer users.
Overall
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, the
labour
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 problem can be solved through different stages ,but we can't go back to the Stone Age and stop our
development
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 just to solve
a
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an
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 obstacle that can be managed .

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task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view. However, explain each main idea more fully. For example, say how robots improve work, health, or safety, and why job loss may harm families.
task response
Make your opinion clear in the introduction as well as the conclusion. You can state that robots are useful, but governments and companies must help workers learn new skills.
task response
Your country examples need more clear support. Do not only say that China or Spain has a problem. Explain what happened, why it happened, and how it proves your point.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: introduction, good side, bad side, and conclusion. Keep this plan, but make each paragraph start with one clear main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. For example: “On the one hand”, “For example”, “As a result”, and “On the other hand”. Do not add “moreover” or “furthermore” when the next sentence does not add a new point.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are long and hard to follow. Split them into two short sentences. This will make your meaning clearer and easier to read.
coherence and cohesion
Use the same key words through the essay. Choose “robots” instead of changing between “roboting development”, “robotic machines”, and “robots” too often.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you show the good side, the bad side, and your own opinion.
task response
You give examples about China and Spain, which helps make your ideas less general.
coherence and cohesion
The four-paragraph form is clear and easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion clearly shows your final view that robots can bring good changes.
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