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Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Hapinness is considered very important in life. Why is it difficult to define? What factors are important in achieving happiness? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knoeledge or experience.

2.5 / 9
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Introduction
Hapinness
Correct your spelling
Happiness
 is
a
Correct article usage
apply
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widely regarded as an important aspect of
life
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, howover it can be difficult to define.
and
Capitalize the word
And
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 there are several factors that help to achieve
happiness
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.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the
reason
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reasons
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 why
happiness
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 is difficult to define
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 and the main factors that can lead to a happy
life
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.
Body paragraph 1
Happiness
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 is difficult to define because
people
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 have different expectations and priorities.
Use synonyms
people
Capitalize the word
People
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 value different
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
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 in
life
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.
For example
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, some
people
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 believe money is the main reason to feel happy,
whereas
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 another person may value family
relationship
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relationships
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 more.
Therefore
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, there is no single definition of
happiness
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 that applies to everyone.
Body paragraph 2
One important idea to achieve
happiness
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 is satisfaction.
People
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 who are satisfied with what they have are less likely to compare themselves with
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
.
For example
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, one person may be happy with a simple job that offers fewer benefits because he is satisfied with his situation,
while
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 another person may have an important position with many benefits but still feel unhappy because he is not satisfied with his
life
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
happiness
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 is difficult to define because
people
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 have different
expactions
Correct your spelling
expectations
 and
priorties
Correct your spelling
priorities
.
In addition
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, satisfaction is the main factor
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 achieving
happiness
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Answer both parts in more detail. You explain why happiness is hard to define, but the part about how to get happiness has only one main point: satisfaction. Add one or two more factors, such as close family, good health, or useful work.
task response
Develop each idea further. Explain how family, health, or work can make a person happy, then give a clear example. This will make your answer more full and more clear.
task response
Use the examples to support your main ideas. The job example is useful, but you can also add a simple real-life example, such as feeling happy after spending time with family or helping a friend.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end. To make the links smoother, use words such as “First,” “Also,” “As a result,” and “For this reason.”
coherence and cohesion
Make each main paragraph focus on one full idea. In the second body paragraph, begin with a clear topic sentence, then explain it, give an example, and end by linking it back to happiness.
coherence and cohesion
Check small word errors because they can make the flow less clear. For example, use “a widely regarded” only with a noun phrase: “Happiness is widely regarded as an important part of life.” Also use “things,” “other people,” “expectations,” and “priorities.”
task response
You answer both questions and stay on the topic throughout the essay.
task response
Your example about two people with different jobs clearly shows that money alone does not always bring happiness.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction tells the reader what the essay will discuss, and the conclusion returns to the main ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are easy to follow, and words like “For example,” “whereas,” and “Therefore” help connect ideas.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • subjective
  • transient
  • cultural differences
  • collectivism
  • individualism
  • complexity of human emotions
  • social connections
  • fulfilling relationships
  • sense of belonging
  • meaningful goals
  • personal values
  • volunteering
  • mental health
  • physical health
  • mindfulness
  • well-being
  • emotional support
  • stability
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