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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
In recent years, the topic of
gender
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 balance in higher education has emerged as a significant concern for the general public.
While
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 some individuals contend that universities should admit equal
numbers
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 of male and female
students
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 in every
subject
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, I maintain that student admissions should be based on aptitudes and interests.
This
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 essay will elucidate these differing perspectives.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, it is essential to acknowledge the significant advantages associated with universities admitting equal
numbers
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 of male and female
students
Use synonyms
 in every
subject
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. A crucial consideration is that
this
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 policy can promote
gender
Use synonyms
 equality in higher education, which highlights that both men and women should have access to the same educational opportunities .
For example
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, it is noteworthy that males and females should be accepted onto courses
according to
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 their abilities rather than their
gender
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.
In addition
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, another important point to
emphasize
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emphasise
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 is that
this
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 policy can help reduce
gender
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.
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact that
student's
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students'
show examples
 achievements should depend on hard work and individual merit.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, it is crucial to consider the opposing viewpoint that universities should not be required to admit equal
numbers
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 of male and female
students
Use synonyms
 in every
subject
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. A significant factor to explore is that student admissions should be based on aptitudes and interests , which underscores that
students
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 should be selected
according to
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 their abilities and academic performance. To illustrate
this
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 perspective, one might refer to
students
Use synonyms
 who should have strong communication, collaboration and problem-solving skills.
Furthermore
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, it is essential to highlight that
students
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 should have the freedom to choose
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subject
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subjects
show examples
according to
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 their interests.
This
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 assertion is supported by the fact that
students
Use synonyms
 have different strengths and preferences, regardless of whether they are male or female.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 accepting equal
numbers
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 of male and female
students
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 can promote
gender
Use synonyms
 equality and reduce, I believe that
students
Use synonyms
 have different strengths and preferences.

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task response
Make your view clearer from the start: you disagree with fixed equal numbers in every subject. Keep this view in both main parts and in the end.
task response
Explain why equal numbers may be unfair. For example, if more women apply for nursing and more men apply for engineering, fixed numbers may stop some better students from getting a place.
task response
Use real, clear examples. The line about communication and team work does not show why men and women should not be admitted in equal numbers.
task response
Finish incomplete ideas. “Help reduce gender” and “can promote gender equality and reduce” need a full ending, such as “reduce gender bias” or “reduce gender gaps.”
coherence and cohesion
Your four-part plan is clear: start, two main parts, and end. However, the first main part does not fully match your view because it says students should be accepted by ability, not gender.
coherence and cohesion
Give each paragraph one clear job. In the first body paragraph, explain the good side of equal numbers. In the second, explain more strongly why fixed numbers are not the best rule.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with clear cause and result words, such as “because”, “so”, “as a result”, and “for this reason”, instead of using many long set phrases.
coherence and cohesion
Check small grammar points that affect flow: use “students’ achievements”, “choose subjects”, and remove spaces before full stops or commas.
task response
You answer both sides of the issue and give your own view.
task response
Your main idea that places should depend on skill, work, and interest is relevant and clear.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two body paragraphs, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraph breaks and linking words to guide the reader through the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender diversity
  • fostering innovation
  • educational experience
  • enforcing gender quotas
  • merit and potential
  • individual achievements
  • natural differences
  • gender equality
  • reducing gender stereotypes
  • balanced workforce
  • traditionally male-dominated or female-dominated fields
  • fluctuating applicant numbers
  • compromise on quality
  • diversity aspects
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