IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In some countries, governments are encouraging businesses and industries to move to regional areas outside big cities. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

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In many countries,
businesses
Use synonyms
 and industries are stimulated by governments in order to move rural
areas
Use synonyms
 and decrease the density of cities.
This
Linking Words
 essay believes that it has more advantages than disadvantages because most cities suffer from
traffic
Use synonyms
 jams and bottlenecks
due to
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 workplaces in the city centre.
To begin
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 with, most people are complaining about the density of the population.
In other words
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, industrial and business
companies
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 which have a great capacity of employees are situated in the central side of cities,
thereby
Correct word choice
and thereby
show examples
 population of workers continue to
increasing
Change the form of the verb
increase
show examples
.
For example
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, high-ranked
companies
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 have an official office on Wall Street,
therefore
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 it often leads to
traffic
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 problems
such
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 as bottlenecks and
traffic
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 jams for a long period.
As a result
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, it can lead to more rigorous issues
such
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 as overpopulation and transportation problems in the future.
On the other hand
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, governments often suggest that rural
areas
Use synonyms
 are more acceptable for business because
this
Linking Words
 way can decrease the population, especially in overcrowded streets.
However
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, it can damage their reputation and availability.
For instance
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,
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 Cambridge University, one research illustrates that the fame of
businesses
Use synonyms
 is mostly associated with their location, thereby if
companies
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 replace their location with regional
areas
Use synonyms
, it would directly impact their profits.
Consequently
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,
for
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this
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reason
Add a comma
reason,
show examples
 government officials and
businesses
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 do not make an arrangement. In conclusion, if
businesses
Use synonyms
 and industries move to rural
areas
Use synonyms
, it would be better for people in terms of
traffic
Use synonyms
 issues.
Furthermore
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,
companies
Use synonyms
 do not agree because it can hinder their potential profits.

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Task Achievement
Ensure to fully respond to the task by discussing both advantages and disadvantages in equal measure. While you mention some disadvantages, they are less developed compared to the advantages.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to improve the logical flow of ideas within paragraphs. Use linking words effectively to guide the reader through your arguments more clearly.
Task Achievement
Provide more detailed examples to support your arguments. Some of your examples, like the one about Cambridge University, could be better explained to demonstrate their relevance.
Task Achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position on the topic, which is important for task response.
Task Achievement
The use of specific terms like 'bottlenecks' and 'overpopulation' shows a good level of vocabulary and understanding of the topic.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic disparity
  • urban congestion
  • cost of living
  • operational costs
  • infrastructural challenges
  • skilled workforce
  • environmental impact
  • community development
  • employee relocation
  • job opportunities
  • local economies
  • traffic reduction
  • pollution reduction
  • urban ecosystems
  • resistant
  • job satisfaction
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