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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

People are having more and more sugar-based drinks. What are the reasons? What are the solutions to make people drink less.

6.5 / 9
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Introduction
In modern society, life has changed a great deal, especially in how
people
Use synonyms
 consume
sugar
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.
This
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 includes
sugar
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 based drink. Some
people
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 believe that
sugar
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 is difficult .
However
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, others believe that
sugar
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 is common.
Thus
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, both views have significant points.
This
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 assay will provide key information to explore the topic.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, in terms of the disadvantages,
according to
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 the given data, there are many dramatic reasons.
First,
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according to
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 the Kuwait Future Report, 90% of
people
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 prefer
sugar
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.
This
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 is
due to
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 many negative reasons. Recycling is the main reason.
This
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 system can increase the
sugar
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 level.
As a result
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, the blood structure is converted.
Second,
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the chemical change is another harmful result.
This
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 will change the age.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, in terms of the advantages,
according to
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 the given information, there are many significant solutions.
Firstly
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,
according to
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 the Kuwait Health Report, 99% of
people
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 prefer the health solution.
This
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 is
due to
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 many positive skills.
Moreover
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,
this
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 can make the
sugar
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 stable. The positive activity is one of the main solutions. Dancing is a prime example. The balance is another major point.
This
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 includes the food.
For example
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, salad, water and protein.
Conclusion
In conclusion, in terms of the disadvantages and explanations,
according to
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 the given information,
according to
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 the main reports, there are many harmful drawbacks.
However
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, there are many significant roles.
Thus
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, both views have significant marks.
Hence
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, the government recommends
people
Use synonyms
 follow the right tips for positive results and best life.

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task response
Answer both parts of the question in a clear way. Give real reasons why people drink more sweet drinks, such as low cost, good taste, ads, and easy access.
task response
Give clear ways to help people drink less. For example, raise the price, limit ads for children, put clear health facts on bottles, and make water easy to get.
task response
Do not write about two views, advantages, and disadvantages. The question asks for reasons and solutions, so keep all ideas on these two parts.
task response
Use examples that fit your ideas. The reports and numbers in this essay do not clearly support the points, and some ideas, such as recycling and dancing, do not fit the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple four-part plan: first, say the main answer; next, give reasons; then, give solutions; last, sum up the answer.
coherence and cohesion
Start each main part with a clear first sentence. Then explain the idea and give one short example before you move to the next point.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words such as "because", "so", "for example", "also", and "however". Do not repeat "according to the given information" many times.
coherence and cohesion
Make each sentence clear and connected to the one before it. Some sentences are hard to understand, such as "the blood structure is converted" and "this will change the age".
task response
You tried to give both reasons and ways to help, and you included an ending.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has clear paragraph breaks, with an opening, two main parts, and a final paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • sugar-based
  • drinks
  • taste
  • refreshing
  • enjoyable
  • marketing
  • advertise
  • cool
  • desirable
  • energy
  • tired
  • boost
  • social events
  • gatherings
  • parties
  • celebrations
  • choose
  • quick
  • common
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