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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

people aim to achieve a banace between their work and lives, but few people achieve it, what are the causes of the problem? how to overcome it.

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Introduction
In recent times, the topic of the balance between work and life has gathered significant attention and sparked widespread discussions.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is crucial to take a deep dive into the complexities surrounding it and explore potential details.
this
Linking Words
 easy will delve into the intricacies of individual want to gain an equilibrium between Job and living status, and somehow only a few pupils have it, exploring its underlying causes in detail and proposing effective solutions.
Body paragraph 1
To embark on, people were not able to divide their time appropriately.
Moreover
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, they have taken their onsite pressure
to the
Change preposition
apply
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home , and
this
Linking Words
 will build an unhealthy lifestyle. Following the logical progression of thoughts,
this
Linking Words
 effect there social
as well as
Linking Words
 work life . To exemplify, in 2010, an article was published on "THE HINDUSTAN
TIME
Check wording
TIMES
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",
named as
Verb problem
titled
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 "EFFECT OF OFFICE ON AN INDIVIDUAL",
shows
Correct pronoun usage
which shows
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 that people who cope with their problems and do not think about it frequently will bring happiness in their lives , other than those who take it too seriously.
Body paragraph 2
Be that as it may, solutions exist for each of these problems mentioned above. When considering
first,
Linking Words
everyone have there own capacity, so the work should be divided as per their capability.
Secondly
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, discussing the next thing is
,
Correct word choice
that
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 monthly health checkup including mental behaviour and cognitive behaviour, should be examined, so that offices gain more profit.
For instance
Linking Words
, a survey was conducted in India in 2006, showing that people who worked as per there strength will be able to manage their goals very effectively .
Conclusion
To recapitulate,
this
Linking Words
 problem emerges very often
due to
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 the increased stress factor and inability to manage things before they worsen.

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task response
You answer both parts: why work and life are hard to balance, and how to fix this. However, your ideas need more clear detail. Explain why long hours, work stress, and poor time plans make home life hard. Then explain how each answer can help.
task response
Use ideas that fit the question closely. The point about health checks is not fully linked to work-life balance. A better answer is flexible hours, clear limits after work, time plans, and enough staff at work.
task response
Give one clear, real-like example for each main idea. For example, a worker who checks work emails at night may not have time for family or sleep. A company that lets staff leave on time can help them rest and spend time at home.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, a causes paragraph, a solutions paragraph, and an ending. Keep this clear plan, but make each paragraph focus on one main point.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with a simple main sentence. Then add an explanation and an example. This will make your ideas easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking words are not used in a clear way. Use simple links such as “First”, “Also”, “As a result”, “For example”, and “In conclusion”. Avoid long phrases that do not add meaning.
coherence and cohesion
Check word use that can stop the reader from understanding. For example, write “their social and work lives”, not “there social as well as work life”. Also, use “essay”, not “easy”.
task response
You address both the causes and the ways to solve the problem.
coherence and cohesion
Your writing has a clear overall shape, with a beginning, middle paragraphs, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You try to use examples to support your points, which is a good habit.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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