IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The internet is an amazing invention which has changed the world. Give the advantages and disadvantages of the internet

5.0 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Since the
internet
Use synonyms
’s introduction in the late 90s, a new wave of communication among
people
Use synonyms
 has taken place. Evolving from its vulnerable early days into an unfathomably large-scale discovery tool.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of the
internet
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
The
internet
Use synonyms
 is widely used for a number of reasons. It allows
for organizations
Change the spelling
organisations
show examples
 to create websites that streamline many processes
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
That
Fix capitalization
that
show examples
otherwise
Linking Words
 would be
time consuming in-person
Rephrase
time-consuming in person
. In
this
Linking Words
 regard, it has
revolutionized
Change the spelling
revolutionised
show examples
 remote communication between
people
Use synonyms
. Giving users the ability to send and receive e-mails,
as well as
Linking Words
 text and call other users.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the
internet
Use synonyms
 plays a pivotal role in discovery and learning. Providing a user
unlimited
Change preposition
with unlimited
show examples
 access to any information they desire. Because of
this
Linking Words
, education on any topic is easily accessible to a person with
internet
Use synonyms
 access.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it allows
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to raise awareness of events happening worldwide. That aids in increased movements and activism for the benefit of society.
Body paragraph 2
Although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 invention has posed many disadvantages and risks. If not used safely, a person’s device can be hacked. In turn,
this
Linking Words
 could cause damages as mild as data mining and account stealing; Or something as serious as identity fraud and financial loss.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, social media has caused a substantial increase in cyberbullying of young
people
Use synonyms
 and social pressure. Which is inextricably linked to its easy access to minors, who suffer the damage of these trends.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 the
internet
Use synonyms
 has a multitude of advantages, it
also
Linking Words
 has many drawbacks. Using it safely and correctly can prove highly beneficial, and the resources gained from it
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 definitely worthwhile.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
You answer both parts of the task: the good and bad sides of the internet. To make your ideas stronger, add one clear real-life example for each main point. For example, say how online lessons help a student, or how a fake message can lead to loss of money.
task response
Your main ideas are clear, but some points need more explanation. Explain why easy access to information helps people, and explain how online pressure can harm young people.
task response
Be more careful with very broad claims. Instead of saying people can get any information they want, say they can get a large amount of information quickly.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending. The order is easy to follow: first the good sides, then the bad sides.
coherence and cohesion
Some parts are not full sentences because they begin with words such as “Evolving”, “Giving”, “Providing”, “That”, “Which”, and “Or”. Join them to the sentence before, or make them full sentences. This will make the writing smoother and clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. You already use “Additionally”, “Moreover”, and “Furthermore”. Do not put a full stop before a phrase that explains the idea before it. For example, join “That otherwise would be time consuming...” to the first sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph focused on two or three key ideas. The first body paragraph has many good points, but it moves quickly from websites to messages, learning, and world events. Add a short explanation after each point before moving on.
task response
You cover both the helpful and harmful sides of the internet, including communication, learning, online crime, and bullying.
task response
Your ending gives a clear overall view: the internet can be very helpful when people use it safely.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is well planned, with a clear introduction, a paragraph on benefits, a paragraph on risks, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “Although”, “Additionally”, “Moreover”, and “Furthermore” help show links between your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: