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Writing Samples
Band 5

It is important for children, young adults, working people and the retired to have at least one hoppy. What's your opinion about this?

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Introduction
I
abosultely
Correct your spelling
absolutely
 agree that everyone should have
hobbies
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 at any stage of their life. As "hoppy", I consider any activities that someone
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
 for pleasure purposes only.
Body paragraph 1
For example
Linking Words
, children
an
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 young adults have their
time
Use synonyms
 at school, they do different sorts of activities, but they have
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 educational purpose.
Body paragraph 2
Children and young adults should be able to get home and do something only for fun. Even when the activity involves learning something, when it's a
hoppy
Correct your spelling
hobby
, there's no pressure, no stress, only the fact that they are doing what they enjoy, for fun.
Such
Linking Words
 as playing an instrument, or only
linstening
Correct your spelling
listening
 to music, playing outdoors with friends, painting, playing sports, etc. A
hobby
Use synonyms
 can involve commitment, or not. In my case, I used to play with
firends
Correct your spelling
friends
 on the street when I was a kid.
This
Linking Words
 was my
hobby
Use synonyms
. As I was growing up, I started to
listne
Correct your spelling
listen
 to music and play guitar and found myself enjoying other
hobbies
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 3
The same applies
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 retired
people
Use synonyms
. They should all have
hobbies
Use synonyms
 in their
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
. After so many years spent mostly working, it's great
fo
Correct your spelling
for
 them
having
Wrong verb form
to have
show examples
 some activities to focus on. But, again, no pressure involved. Retired
people
Use synonyms
 usually have more free
time
Use synonyms
 to spend doing what they actually enjoy, so, if they have the chance, they should accumulate as many
hobbies
Use synonyms
 as they can and relax during retirement.
Body paragraph 4
People
Use synonyms
then
Linking Words
 might find
easy
Correct pronoun usage
it easy
show examples
 to say that kids, teenagers and retired
people
Use synonyms
 should have
hobbies
Use synonyms
, since they usually have more free
time
Use synonyms
. But what about working
pepole
Correct your spelling
people
? Yes, they
definately
Correct your spelling
definitely
 should have
hobbies
Use synonyms
, and I would say that they need those.
Conclusion
Bring
Wrong verb form
Being
show examples
 a working person nowadays
it's
Correct pronoun usage
is
show examples
 not easy.
People
Use synonyms
 spend several hours at work, on the way to work, on the way back home, taking care of their family, cleaning their houses, doing shopping, cooking the next day's
lunce
Correct your spelling
lunch
.
They're
Correct your spelling
There are
 plenty of tasks that can't be skipped, so
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 when do these
people
Use synonyms
 enjoy themselves and do something for fun? It's important to have
this
Linking Words
 in mind and value any free
time
Use synonyms
 doing any sort of
hobby
Use synonyms
 that
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 them feel relaxed,
instead
Linking Words
 of productive. Working
people
Use synonyms
 are the ones who mostly need a
hobby
Use synonyms
, so they can enjoy life as it should be enjoyed, with no pressure, deadliness or bosses. Just doing something because it makes them feel good.

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task response
State your main view clearly in the first part, then give one main reason for each group: young people, retired people, and working people.
task response
Your ideas are clear, but some are repeated. Say more about how hobbies help people, for example by giving rest, joy, new skills, or time with other people.
task response
Use one or two more clear examples. For working people, explain one hobby they can do after work and how it can help them feel less stress.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order, but each body part can start with a short main sentence. This will make your point easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Add a short final part that repeats your main view and brings all age groups together.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care, such as “For example”, “Also”, “However”, and “In short”. Do not use “But” too often at the start of a sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are very long. Split them into two shorter sentences so the reader can follow your ideas more easily.
task response
You answer the question directly and show a clear view: hobbies are important for people at every age.
task response
The part about working people is strong. You explain that they have many daily tasks and need time to relax.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay moves in a clear order from young people to retired people and then to working people.
coherence and cohesion
You use useful examples of hobbies, such as music, sport, painting, and time with friends.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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