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Writing Samples
Band 4

A report indicated that many children between 7 and 11 spend too much time watching television and playing videos game. How does this problem affect children? What measures can be taken to control it?

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Introduction
The issue of many
children
Use synonyms
 between 7 and 11
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
 too much time watching television and playing
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 has become
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
show examples
 concern in recent years.It is widely believed that
this
Linking Words
problem
Use synonyms
 is mainly caused by families who do not
paying
Wrong verb form
pay
show examples
 attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their
children
Use synonyms
 and the lack of the awerness obout the drawbacks.
This
Linking Words
 situation can have several
nagetive
Correct your spelling
negative
 effects on individuals and society .
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the main causes of the
problem
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 and suggest some possible solutions.
Body paragraph 1
One major cause is that many families do not care about their
children
Use synonyms
,which can
lead to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
impact
the
Rephrase
how the
show examples
children
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 live.
This
Linking Words
 is because the
parent
Correct subject-verb agreement
parents
show examples
 concentrate on their work or
somthing
Correct your spelling
something
 else.For
exmple
Correct your spelling
example
,if a woman has conflict
on her
Change preposition
at
show examples
 work,she will not care what her child do everyday.Another contributing factor is that many parents have
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of awerness on the drawbacks of playing
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 2
There are several measures that could be taken to tackle
this
Linking Words
problem
Use synonyms
.
On
Correct determiner usage
An
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 effective solution is that parents should monitor their
children
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 and support them to not play
video
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games
Use synonyms
 or
watching
Wrong verb form
watch
show examples
 television
to
Use the right word
too
show examples
 much,which would help by
encourage
Wrong verb form
encouraging
show examples
children
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 to focus on their education.Another possible solution is to give
children
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reward
Correct article usage
a reward
show examples
 if they do
somthing
Correct your spelling
something
 good .
For instance
Linking Words
,if a child gets a high score at school,his family should give him a gift.If these measures were properly implemented, they could significantly improve the situation.
Conclusion
To sum up
Linking Words
,the
children
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 who
watching
Wrong verb form
watch
show examples
 television and
playing
Wrong verb form
play
show examples
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
to
Use the right word
too
show examples
 much are
pressing
Correct article usage
a pressing
show examples
 issue caused by
the parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
 who do not
paying
Wrong verb form
pay
show examples
 attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their
children
Use synonyms
 and the lack of
awerness
Correct your spelling
awareness
 about the
darwbacks
Correct your spelling
drawbacks
 of watching
on the technology to
Change preposition
too
show examples
 much
.
Check wording
technology.
show examples
This
Linking Words
problem
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 can be reduced
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 a better outcome can be
achive
Correct your spelling
achieved
.

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task response
Answer both parts of the question. You explain why the problem happens, but the question asks how it affects children. Add clear effects, such as poor health, less sleep, weak school work, and less time with friends.
task response
Make each main idea clear and add enough detail. For example, explain how too much screen time can make children less active and how this may lead to weight gain or poor sleep.
task response
Use examples that directly show the problem. The example about a mother’s work conflict is not very clear. A better example is a child who plays games late at night and feels tired at school the next day.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same plan from start to end. Your introduction says you will discuss causes and solutions, but the task asks for effects and solutions. Change the first body paragraph to focus on effects.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences. Start paragraphs with sentences such as: “Too much screen time can harm children’s health.” Then explain this idea and give one example.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words such as “First”, “Also”, “As a result”, “For example”, and “Finally”. Avoid very long sentences with many ideas, because they are hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Write a conclusion that sums up the effects and the ways to control the problem. Do not repeat causes if they are not part of the question.
task response
You give more than one way to help, including parent control and rewards for good work.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful linking words, such as “For example”, “Another”, and “To sum up”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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