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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays, more and more people are travelling to other countries. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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Introduction
An increasing number of
people
Use synonyms
 are travelling abroad nowadays. Some
people
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 claim that it is a negative
developmet
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development
.
Whereas
Linking Words
 I believe that it is a positive
development
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, as there will be more
chance
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chances
show examples
 of
gitiing
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getting
 jobs, and international
relationship
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 cna be developed.
Body paragraph 1
Some
people
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 argue that it is a negative
development
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 for
people
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 to travel to
differnt reigions
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different regions
. Having
lots
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 of
visiters
Replace the word
visitors
, there might be some problems caused,
such
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 as
destruction
Correct article usage
the destruction
show examples
 of cultures, over
tourism
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, and so on.
For example
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,
tourists
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 do not know
spesific
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specific
 policy or rules of the culture in most cases, which might
cuase
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cause
 them to act in unmannerd way.
Such
Linking Words
 as
talikng
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talking
 over a phone, playing music with
extreamly
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extremely
 high volume in parks and so on.
Additionally
Linking Words
, overtourism can have negative effects on local
people
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.
Such
Linking Words
 as being unable to commute, go shopping, and travel
due to
Linking Words
crouds
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crowds
 caused by over
tourism
Use synonyms
. Considering
this
Linking Words
, it is reasonable that some
people
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 place more
enphasis
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emphasis
 on the negative
development
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 side.
Body paragraph 2
Never the less
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Nevertheless
, I firmly
belive
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believe
 that more and more
people
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 travelling abroad is a positive
development
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, as more
people
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 will gain
buisness oppertunities
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business opportunities
, and for the
development
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 of international
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relationship
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relationships
show examples
.
People
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 will have higjer chance of getting their jobs,
becasue
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because
 enterprises that are related to
tourism
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,
such
Linking Words
 as airlines, hotels, and sight seeing spot will
definetlly
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definitely
 recruit more
number of
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apply
show examples
people
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, as they require
more
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
additional
people
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.
For example
Linking Words
, hotels will require
considerable
Correct article usage
a considerable
show examples
 number of
people
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, as they have
differnt
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different
 roles for each
workers
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worker
show examples
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, having
lots
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 of
tourists
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, realtionships international
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relationship
Check wording
relationships
show examples
 can be developed.
For example
Linking Words
, if
tourists
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 behave very well
mannared
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mannered
, the reputation of the
tourists
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' country will get better.
Tourists
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 can
also
Linking Words
 learn things that they
cna not
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cannot
 learn in their countries
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as cultures,
fasion
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fashion
, art, and so on.
Conclusion
Admittedly,there are some negative effects
to have
Change preposition
of having
show examples
lots
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 of
tourists
Use synonyms
.
Such
Linking Words
 as destruction of
cultres
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cultures
 and over
tourism
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.
However
Linking Words
, I
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
 that it is a positive
development
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 to have
lots
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 of
tourists
Use synonyms
, as the local
people
Use synonyms
 can get better
oppertunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 of
geiing
Correct your spelling
getting
 a job, and international
relationship
Use synonyms
 cna be developed.

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task response
Give a clear answer in the first part and keep the same view all through the essay. You do this, but your main ideas need more detail. Explain how travel gives jobs and how it helps links between countries.
task response
Talk about both sides, but spend more time on why you think the good side is stronger. Your points about too many tourists are useful, yet the good side needs fuller support.
task response
Use more clear examples. For jobs, explain that hotels, food places, and travel firms need more workers when more people visit. For links between countries, explain how meeting local people can build respect and trust.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an ending. This is good. Make each body part begin with one clear main idea, then add an explanation and an example.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas are repeated, especially jobs and links between countries. Add new detail instead of saying the same point again in the last part.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more naturally. For example: “However”, “For this reason”, “As a result”, and “In contrast”. Do not start many sentences with “Such as”; join them to the sentence before.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last part shorter and clearer. It should restate your view and the two best reasons, without adding unclear new points.
task response
You answer the question directly and clearly say that travel abroad is mainly a good development.
task response
You include both the bad effects, like too many visitors, and the good effects, like more work and better links between countries.
coherence and cohesion
The essay follows a clear order: introduction, bad side, good side, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful linking words, such as “Additionally”, “However”, and “For example”.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • affordability
  • accessibility
  • cultural exchange
  • global connectivity
  • economic contributor
  • environmental impact
  • cultural erosion
  • infrastructure
  • overtourism
  • global perspective
  • socio-economic implications
  • career opportunities
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