IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1.5

Some people say international sports events help in world peace. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

1.5 / 9
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Introduction
As
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With
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 social
advance
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advances
show examples
, human society is becoming more
civilized
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civilised
show examples
. Some people argue that global sporting
events
Use synonyms
 play an essential role in promoting world peace. I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
perspecitve
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perspective
.
Body paragraph 1
To start with, international
sports
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 competitions provide a peaceful platform for
countires
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countries
 to compete and communicate. There is a famous theory that
sports
Use synonyms
events
Use synonyms
 are wars without
gunpower
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gunpowder
. In
this
Linking Words
 case, some conflicts can be solved by athletes. Nations are given an outlet for their competitive urges.
Instead
Linking Words
 of resorting to war, athletes compete fairly on the
sports
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 field.
Body paragraph 2
Furthermore
Linking Words
, global
sports
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events
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 help ordinary people eliminate prejudice and national stereotypes. Mass media broadcasts international matches
worldide
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worldwide
, allowing
poeple
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people
 to witness the teamwork, perseverance and sportsmanship of
foregin
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foreign
 athletes.
Conclusion
In conclusion, international
conpetive
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cooperative
events
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 greatly contribute to global peace by encouraging cross-national
communicaiton
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communication
 and cultural misunderstanding.

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task response
Your view is clear: you agree that world sports events can help peace. Add one real example, such as players or fans from two countries meeting at the Olympic Games. This will make your ideas more strong and real.
task response
Explain your main points more fully. For example, say how games can lower anger between countries, and how seeing athletes from other places can change people’s old ideas.
task response
The last line says “cultural misunderstanding”. This does not match your meaning. Write “better cultural understanding” or “less cultural misunderstanding” instead.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending. Keep this shape, but give each body part one more sentence of support.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear link words to show the steps in your ideas, such as “For example”, “As a result”, and “This means that”. Do not use too many link words in one part.
coherence and cohesion
Check word spelling and word choice because some errors make the text less clear: “countries”, “worldwide”, “people”, “foreign”, “competitive”, “communication”, and “perspective”.
task response
You answer the question directly and keep the same clear view from the first line to the end.
task response
Your two main ideas are useful and on topic: peaceful competition and less prejudice between people.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because you use clear paragraph breaks and simple opening words such as “To start with”, “Furthermore”, and “In conclusion”.
coherence and cohesion
The second main paragraph has a clear cause and result: media shows sports, and people can see good things in athletes from other countries.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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