IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

It is very common for people to change both their habits and their opinions as they get older. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
It is often argued that
people
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 tend to
change
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 their
opinions
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 and
habits
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 as they grow older. I strongly agree with
this
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 view because these changes can help individuals discover new ideas and broaden their horizons.
This
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 essay will discuss the main reasons why
people
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change
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 their
habits
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 and
opinions
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 over time.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, many
people
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change
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 their leisure activities as they grow older because their interests gradually develop. Doing the same activity for a long period can reduce its appeal and eventually make
people
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 lose interest in it. Another important factor is a busy schedule. As
people
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 become adults, they often have work, family and other responsibilities, leaving them with less time for their hobbies.
For example
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, painting may be a popular hobby among children, but many teenagers gradually replace it with activities
such
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 as playing online games.
Therefore
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, changes in interests and increasingly hectic routines can cause
people
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 to abandon some of their childhood
habits
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.
Body paragraph 2
Furthermore
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,
people
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's
opinions
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 often
change
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 as they gain more
experience
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 in life. At a young age, individuals may have limited knowledge and
experience
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, which can sometimes lead them to make decisions without fully understanding a situation.
However
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, as they encounter different circumstances and learn from their experiences, their perspectives may gradually develop.
For example
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, a young person may
initially
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 believe that changing jobs frequently is beneficial, but after gaining work
experience
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, they may realise the importance of job stability and long-term career development.
Therefore
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, real-life experiences can play an important role in changing
people
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's
opinions
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 and decisions.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
people
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's
habits
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 and
opinions
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 naturally
change
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 as they grow older. Changes in interests, busy lifestyles and greater life
experience
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 can all influence their behaviour and perspectives.
As a result
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,
people
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 can discover new ideas, gain knowledge and broaden their horizons throughout their lives.

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task response
Your answer gives a clear view and stays on the main question. To make it stronger, explain more fully how each change helps people find new ideas and see life in a wider way. The first main part is mostly about hobbies, so add a little more about habits in daily life, such as sleep, food, exercise, or how people use their time.
task response
Your examples are clear and fit your points. The example about painting and online games shows a change in free-time habits, but it could be more real and more fully explained. Add what caused the change and what happened after it.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow. It has a clear start, two main parts, and a clear end. Each main part has one key idea, so the reader can follow your meaning without trouble.
coherence and cohesion
Your linking words, such as “To begin with”, “Furthermore”, “However”, and “Therefore”, work well. Try not to use “Therefore” at the end of both main parts in the same way. You can also link ideas inside a part more closely by showing cause and result in more detail.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas repeat, for example changes in interests and life experience. You can make the flow better by using one short sentence to connect the two main parts: habits may change because life changes, while opinions may change because people learn from life.
task response
You clearly agree with the idea and give two good reasons: changes in interests and learning from life. Your work example about jobs is useful and directly supports your point.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraph order is very clear. The opening tells the reader your view, each main part has a clear focus, and the ending brings your key ideas together.
coherence and cohesion
Most sentences are linked in a natural way, and the reader can easily see the reason, example, and result in each main part.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • change gradually
  • life experience
  • daily routine
  • financial responsibility
  • family commitments
  • health-conscious lifestyle
  • develop healthier habits
  • shift in priorities
  • become more mature
  • broaden one’s perspective
  • challenge previous beliefs
  • be more open-minded
  • a wider range of experiences
  • long-term consequences
  • deeply held values
  • remain relatively stable
  • adapt to new circumstances
  • personal growth
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