IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1

It is the responsibility of individuals to save and provide for their own retirement. Governments have no obligation to provide this benefit. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

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In
this
Linking Words
 era of
mordern
Correct your spelling
modern
, financial security after
rtirement
Correct your spelling
retirement
 has become the subject of debate.
some
Capitalize the word
Some
show examples
 people argue that individuals should be
responiable
Correct your spelling
responsible
 for accumulationg suficient saving for their
after
Change preposition
apply
show examples
retirement.
but
Capitalize the word
But
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
others say
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should assist them and provide them
pension in their old age stage
Correct word order
with a pension in their old age
show examples
. I partially disagree with
this
Linking Words
 view because personal planning for retirement funds is importion .
whereas
Linking Words
, higher
authourities
Correct your spelling
authorities
 should take responsibility on their
on
Correct word choice
own
show examples
 behalf.
To begin
Linking Words
 with , there are compelling
reasoms
Correct your spelling
reasons
 why individuals should
asume
Correct your spelling
assume
 primary
responsible
Replace the word
responsibility
 for their retiement .by contibuting regularly to the pension funds and investment account, people
cutlivates
Correct subject-verb agreement
cultivate
show examples
 prudent
finicial
Correct your spelling
financial
 habits

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task response
Your answer shows a clear view: you partly disagree. However, the essay stops very early, so it does not fully answer the question. Write a full opening, two main parts, and a short ending.
task response
Explain both sides in more detail. Say why people should save for old age, and why the state should help some people, such as those with low pay, no job, or poor health.
task response
Add clear examples. For example, a worker may save part of each month’s pay, while the state may give basic help to an old person who could not work for many years.
coherence and cohesion
The opening has the main idea, but the first main part ends in the middle. Finish each main point with an explanation and an example before you move to the next point.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple plan: opening; reasons people should save; reasons the state should help; ending. This will make the reader follow your ideas more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully: “First”, “For example”, “However”, “As a result”, and “In short”. Do not start many sentences with “but” or “whereas”.
coherence and cohesion
Write full sentences and check spelling, as many errors make the meaning hard to follow. For example: “modern”, “retirement”, “responsible”, “sufficient”, and “financial”.
task response
You give a clear main view in the opening: people should plan for old age, but the state should also help.
coherence and cohesion
You begin with two sides of the topic, which is a good way to set up a partly agree answer.
task response
Your point about regular saving and pension plans is relevant to the question.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • retirement savings
  • financial planning
  • economic circumstances
  • government provision
  • basic state pension
  • financial independence
  • income disparities
  • aging populations
  • social safety net
  • tax burden
  • financial education
  • quality of life
  • personal financial responsibility
  • social inequality
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