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Writing Samples
Band 4

Young people are often influenced in their behaviors by others in the same age group. Some argue that peer pressure is important while others feel it has distinct disadvantages. Do the disadvantages of peer pressure outweigh the advantages?

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Nowadays,
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 commonly affected by their environment in the same age group. Some believe that peer pressure plays a vital role in their life,
while
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others suggest that
Clearly, it
Correct word order
it clearly
show examples
 has drawbacks.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, some individuals assume that being under peer pressure brings many advantages.
For instance
Linking Words
, if a young person is among hard-working and competitive peers,
then
Linking Words
 he or she is motivated to make an attempt to reach their level.
This
Linking Words
 positive environment can help them to achieve in their academic
,
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 social
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives

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task response
Answer the main question clearly. Say if the bad sides are greater than the good sides, and keep this view from the start to the end.
task response
The writing stops after one good point. Add a full paragraph about bad peer pressure, such as being pushed to smoke, drink, spend too much money, or do things that are not safe.
task response
Explain each main point more. After the example of hard-working friends, show why this helps young people and how it may affect their future.
task response
Add a short ending that repeats your main view and sums up the two sides.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear four-part plan: opening, good side, bad side, and ending. This will make the reader follow your ideas more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Start the second body paragraph with a clear link, such as: “However, peer pressure can also cause serious problems.”
coherence and cohesion
Make sentences complete. The last sentence ends too early, so the idea is not finished.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care: “For example”, “As a result”, “However”, and “In conclusion” can help show the order of your ideas.
task response
You give a relevant good example: young people may work harder when their friends are hard-working and competitive.
coherence and cohesion
Your opening shows both views, and “To begin with” gives the reader a clear start to the first main point.
coherence and cohesion
The first body paragraph has a simple main idea followed by an example, which is a useful way to build a paragraph.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • influence
  • behavior
  • age group
  • peer pressure
  • distinct
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • motivate
  • excel
  • positive behaviors
  • substance abuse
  • bullying
  • risky activities
  • belonging
  • acceptance
  • anxiety
  • stress
  • low self-esteem
  • conform
  • individuality
  • personal growth
  • decision-making skills
  • situations
  • resist
  • healthy balance
  • personal development
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