IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many animal and plant species are currently facing extinction around the world. Why is it important to protect all species? What are the main causes of this decline in biodiversity? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

4.5 / 9
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Introduction
Nowadays, many animal and
plant
Use synonyms
species
Use synonyms
 are
obseleting
Correct your spelling
disappearing
 all around the world.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss why
is it
Correct word order
it is
show examples
 crucial to protect all
biodiversities
Check wording
biodiversity
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 and what
are the major reasons of
Correct word order
the major reasons are for
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this
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 issue.
Body paragraph 1
One reason why we need to protect all biodiversities is that they are protecting our lives.
Animals
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 and plants have irreplaceable connections
between
Change preposition
with
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 humans. If there are no biodiversities there will be no
earth
Capitalize the proper name
Earth
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. Because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 it was the crucial part of the earth from the beginning.
For example
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, many medicines
are
Wrong verb form
were
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 created by
the
Correct article usage
apply
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plants in the past. In my country, we still use traditional remedies to boost our immune systems.
Hence
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,
plant
Use synonyms
species
Use synonyms
 has avery viable duty in human lives.
Body paragraph 2
The biggest reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
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 shortage in biodiversity is
bad
Correct article usage
the bad
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 behaviour of
human
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humans
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. We are damaging nature and
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
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 where all the
animals
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 and plants live.
That is
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 why
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 they can not live long.
For example
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, overfishing is one of the most common examples. Overfishing has severely depleted rare
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
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 of
fishes
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fish
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 like cod. If there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 not enough fishes there is a chance that
sea
Correct article usage
the sea
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 or lake will
gone
Verb problem
be gone
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 forever. Another example is
throw
Wrong verb form
throwing
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 litter in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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nature. There is a high chance that
animals
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 can get poisened our wastes.
In other words
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,
this
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 kind of adverse effect of
human
Check wording
humans
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 is killing wild
animals
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 and
plant
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species
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion, our lives
preciously
Verb problem
are preciously
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 connected with
animals
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 and
plant
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species
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so
Punctuation problem
, so
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 we should
prevent
Verb problem
protect
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 them before
decline
Correct pronoun usage
they decline
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. At the same time, we are
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
one of danger for them.
Therefore
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,
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 need to control their habit and always keep in mind to live
together with
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animals
Use synonyms
 and other
species
Use synonyms
 on earth.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. Explain more clearly why each kind of plant and animal matters. For example, show how plants give food, clean air, and new drugs, while animals help keep nature in balance.
task response
Your main causes are clear, but add other key causes, such as loss of forest and land for farms, dirty air and water, and a warmer world. This will make your answer more complete.
task response
Develop each example. Do not only say that overfishing harms cod. Explain that fewer fish can harm birds, larger fish, and people who need fish for food and work.
task response
Use more exact ideas. Avoid very broad lines such as “there will be no earth”. Instead, say that loss of many species can harm food, water, health, and the natural systems people need.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an end. Keep this plan, but make the first body part about why species matter and the second body part about causes only.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple, clear words such as “First”, “Also”, “For example”, “As a result”, and “In conclusion”. Make sure each link shows the real relation between the two ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph follow one clear path: main idea, reason, example, and result. Some ideas now move too fast, so the reader may not see how one point leads to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear noun forms again when needed. For example, say “biodiversity” or “these species” instead of “they” when “they” could mean plants, animals, or people.
task response
You answer both questions: you explain why plants and animals should be kept safe, and you give human action as the main cause of their loss.
task response
You use useful real-life examples, such as plant-based medicine, traditional remedies, overfishing, and litter.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear overall shape, with an opening, two main paragraphs, and a closing paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
You often use linking words such as “For example”, “Hence”, “In other words”, and “Therefore”, which helps the reader follow your points.
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