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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that older and more experienced employees are useful for a company. Others feel that modern younger employees are better for an organisation. do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Some people lean towards hiring older, experienced
employees
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 to avoid costly mistakes,
while
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 others prefer younger
employees
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 for their knowledge of new technology. In my view, both groups are valuable, since a company benefits from
experience
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as well as
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 fresh technical skills.
Body paragraph 1
When someone applies for a job, one of the first things employers ask about is their previous work
experience
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.
This
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 shows how highly
experience
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 is valued in the workplace, and some
companies
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 will not even consider candidates who do not have it, regardless of their qualifications.
Experience
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 might help avoid costly mistakes and
reduces
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reduce
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 the risk involved in important decisions.
For example
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, many
companies
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 promote someone who already has
experience
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 within the company to a managerial role. That saves the company a significant amount of time and money, since someone who has
experience
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 usually already knows the clients, system and most importantly
the
Punctuation problem
, the
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 staff.
Body paragraph 2
However
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, younger
employees
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 bring skills that many experienced staff lack, particularly with new technology. Having grown up with smartphones and the internet, they often adapt to new software far more quickly than older colleagues. They are
also
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 more likely to suggest fresh ideas, since they are not attached to the way things have always been done.
This
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 matters because
companies
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 that target younger consumers depend on staff who understand them, and younger
employees
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 are often best placed to do so.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I believe both older and younger
employees
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 are valuable.
Experience
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 helps
companies
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 avoid costly mistakes,
while
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 younger workers keep them up to date with new technology, so the most successful organisations employ a mix of both.

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task response
Your view is clear: both older and younger workers are useful. To make it even stronger, say more clearly that you agree with neither side alone, and that a mix is best.
task response
Your main ideas are well chosen. You explain how experience can cut risk and how younger workers can help with new technology. Add one more real work example, such as a bank, shop, or tech firm, to make the ideas feel more full.
task response
The example about moving a worker into a manager job is useful. You could also show how older and younger workers can work together, for example when an older manager gives advice and a younger worker helps with a new system.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear plan: introduction, one part about older workers, one part about younger workers, and a conclusion. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Your linking words, such as “However”, “For example”, and “In conclusion”, work well. You can also use simple links like “As a result” or “At the same time” when you move from one idea to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are quite long. Split a few of them into two shorter sentences so that each point is easier to read. For example, the sentence about time, money, clients, systems, and staff could be broken up.
task response
You answer the full question and keep the same clear view from the start to the end.
task response
The points are on topic and well explained: older workers can help stop costly errors, while younger workers can bring new skills and ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Each body part has one main point, and the examples support that point well.
coherence and cohesion
The ending sums up your view clearly and does not add a new idea.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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