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Band 4.5

The diagrams below show the changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary School since its construction in 1950

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The diagrams below show the changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary School since its construction in 1950
The maps illustrate the
changes
Use synonyms
 that took place in the West
Park
Use synonyms
 Secondary School between 1950 and 2010.
This
Linking Words
 report aims to summarise the key trends,significant comparisons and notable
changes
Use synonyms
 highlighted in the data.
Overall
Linking Words
,the area underwent
dignificant
Correct your spelling
significant
changes
Use synonyms
 over the
area
Check wording
period
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.The houses
replaced
Verb problem
were replaced
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to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 a modern building ,
while
Linking Words
 the car
park
Use synonyms
 was added.The most noticeable
changes
Use synonyms
 occurred between 1950 and 2010. In 1950,the West
Park
Use synonyms
 Secondary consisted of
school
Correct article usage
a school
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 and
playground
Correct article usage
a playground
show examples
.The houses were located in the west ,
while
Linking Words
 the farmland occupied the south.By 1980,the farmland had been
repladed
Correct your spelling
replaced
 by the sports field.
In addition
Linking Words
,the car
park
Use synonyms
 was built in the east
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the science block was built in the centre. By 2010,
further
Linking Words
changes
Use synonyms
 had taken place.The car
park
Use synonyms
 was expanded,
while
Linking Words
 the sports field was reduced .The school remained in the same location.
Moreover
Linking Words
,the playground was reduced in size.
Overall
Linking Words
,these
changes
Use synonyms
become
Wrong verb form
have made
show examples
 the area more developed.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall, while".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words changes, park with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reduced" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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